I don't know where to go from here
My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately. For a very long time now, I have been the punching back for his mental health and issues he's struggled with. I've been pushing him to think digger and get the root of his issues. But lately the fights have been about him feeling angry at me for holding him accountable. Even when I try to use a calm tone and word choice, he hears me telling him that he sucks and he lashes out and gets angry and defensive. There's no space for conversation or healing, just bitterness. I can feel his lack of interest in me, how he dreads hanging out bc it will end in a fight, he lack of desire to be with me mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm questioning my worth and why I'm not good enough. Why I have to beg my bf to hang out with me and make me a priority. I'm questioning if he's embarrassed of me bc he doesn't include me in his life, his plans, hanging out with friends. I'm sad all the time and I hate it. I struggle bc Ik he's struggling with his own internal things but how long to wait for him to fix that? Am I the asshole for not giving him time and space to change or am I the idiot for staying, thinking that he will?
Unresolved mental health issues is probably one of the most challenging obstacles to a relationship thriving. He should be seeing a therapist to sort out his feelings and be held accountable, because mental health is a medical condition and you are not a medical professional. Boyfriends and girlfriends, yes, should support each other—but it’s not your job to make him better. You may even want to see a therapist so you can learn healthy boundaries to set with your boyfriend. It sounds like your relationship is becoming codependent. I think your options are 1) keep doing what you’re doing (but that isn’t working) 2) you take a break and let him work out his own issues 3) you stay together but you both establish boundaries, and that may mean both of your getting therapists to help you learn how to take care of your own individual well being
That being said, don’t beat yourself up about the situation. When I was 19 I was in a similar situation and it was emotionally and mentally exhausting. Take care of yourself first and things will get better from there.
