I feel worthless

so. we broke up.

I was the other woman. (And she is a married woman). We fell in love, just 2 months after she got married. I've been told that her marriage was a mistake and that I'm the correct one, she got married just cos she wanted to move out etc <------ just a bunch of bullshit that made me feel i'm totally exclusive. It's like i've been brainwashed. I totally forgot she's married.

I lived in pain everyday. But I was patient, I respect. I never push or ask her to divorce. I respect and just wanted to wait for her to let go.

I gave her space. I let her choose. But she chose him.

We broke up and fixed. It's been a cycle. Everytime I told her I would wait, it's all her choice. But there was never a definite answer. Her heart kept changing. We've been looping for 2 months.

2 weeks ago, she decided to never contact me again. Then I got angry.

I slapped her on her face. It's finally over. Don't tell me it's violent or whatever - the slap did mark the end of our relationship

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I'm in deep grief.

I feel worthless and useless.

I bared all the pain.

I treated her very well, so well that I never regret.

I didn't not waste any second.

I did my best, and it is nothing to her.

I need to rebuild my self-esteem but i dunno how.

Today is her wedding anniversary..