I messed up and It broke me
Ibe been with a guy for about 2 years, and I made a huge mistake by cheating on him! And i hate myself for it, and i am all to blame! We have been off for about 4 months, but I cant help not reaching out to the guy because i really do live him despite what I did! I know the breakup beoke us both and we are both not in a good mental state, but I just want to try to show him that i was such an idiot for making such a mistake and that i would do anything for him, no matter what. And id wait a million years for him to trust me again no matter what it takes I want to do it. I want to fix things with him because i know he is the one for me. But he wont see my side of the story, only his. And i know that he still loves me too !
@Nancyss
I'm sorry that you're in this mess. May I ask how he found out?
I chose to tell him because i was feeling very guilty and didnt want to lie @0m
@Nancyss
That makes all the difference between the intention to repeat the offense and intending to rebuild better with a clean slate.
Thing is, the cheating happened but you decided you were done with that phase of life. You both love each other and are hurt by this terrible situation in the relationship. Your instincts are in the right place where you have regret, remorse and understand that this has shattered his trust. What happened was disrespectful to him and to the relationship. He has so many conflicting emotions to work through on his own with the overload of emotion, betrayal, hurt, pain before he is capable of going over to look at things from your perspective.
A breakup, while drastic, is a coping method towards cheating. What makes you think the door might open for you to get a second chance?
I really dont know Im very confused honestly! Knowing that he loves me I just like to believe that if i give him space and time and then reach out to him after a while, maybe he will see that i am ready to make him see that he can trust me again and that id do anything to fix it. The other part of me thinks that i am just letting myself believe that and he is out there moving on and expecting not to be with me @0m
@Nancyss
I totally understand the conflicting emotions. On one hand you know you can make this work if he just managed to forgive this transgression. On the other hand, you respect his need for space to heal from the shock. I guess the best you can do at this point is to just let him know that you understand you have deeply hurt him and will wait patiently to see if you could both find a way forward. Beyond that it's in his hands whether he feels the same and wants to give it another go.
Your trauma with everything that's happened is evident so please look after yourself while you wait for him to reach a decision. Take care of your sleep, food, work and all other aspects to bring yourself back to your best when the time comes to make important decisions.
All the best!
