Is this it? Am I getting divorced?

I've suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life. I had a traumatic childhood and it's spilling over into my adult life. When I was a teenager I was molested by a friends brother and I was accused of lying about it. It made me have a lot of self hate and body positivity issues. When I was 15 I was in a relationship with a man who treated me badly and I eventually left him. A few months after that I was in a relationship with a man named Billy and I loved him very much. He helped me threw my darkest of times and he helped me see my self worth and we spent 3 years together until my childhood trauma was coming back into play and he couldn't handle my depression and he broke up with me. I was devastated and I rebounded into another relationship with a man I knew had feelings for me but I truly didn't feel the same way. But I didn't want to be alone. I married him and we've been married 3 years now. I'm not attracted to him and I feel no emotional connection to him. But I stay in fear of being alone and the fear of the unknown. 3 months ago I learned that billy, the one I truly loved, died in a horrible motorcycle accident and I was devastated. I was deeply saddened that I would never feel that love and happiness again....until a month ago. A man from my work started talking and we really connected. It was like I was looking at myself threw his eyes. His feelings are the same but I can't help but feel I'm setting myself up to be hurt again.