I’ve grown to hate him

Sorry if this is not in the proper tread ... I've been with my husband for 10 years, we have 2 beautiful children's ... but he makes it to be 3 children ... he barely helps .. takes me for granted ... yells ... rage up ... insults ... but I've finally decided I was done with all that back in November ... since then he has manage to manipulate me to give him 2 LAST CHANCES so far ... I am so mad at myself and at him for making me stay ... I've asked for at least a break and he refused he won't let me leave .. says I can't do this to him, can't do this to our family ... I can't give up on us ....

but I can't take it anymore and can't hide how mad I am anymore and my poor kids are taking the ends of my anxiety ... I get panic attacks everytime something is out of my control now because I hate this ... please someone help ....