Just counting down

I tried my best but I feel I only made things worse. I probably should have gotten a hint. 5 months not saying anything whatsoever while clearly being online everyday...I'd understand if they had wanted more time, but they never said anything in half a year...
I screwed up too, dumping a lengthy goodbye without asking for clarification, but would it have even made a difference?
I tried to say I would compromise, waiting for soemthing until the end of this month, but I think I'm setting myself up for failure. I'm willing to take that fall for this friendship, but it feels like there is no hope and I want to bail to save face...

I wnated to talk about it with my therapist, but I missed that appointment today. Of course now is the time my body chooses to just start falling apart.
I'm trying to get over them, for god's sake, it's been half a year, but it's not ever going to be the same.
I guess I should just start accepting it.

I only have to wait a little longer. Until the last day of December. Then I can erase my shameful presence.
They probably won't even remember me. I guess I don't wnat them to, anyway. I hope they don't.
I guess I deserve this anyway.