Life upside down.

My story in unconventional at the most. 2018, my husband had an affair with a lying manipulative woman. She knew he was weak and was trying to take him completely. He broke it off and just so happens she is pregnant. He told me later that year. He cut her off and left her alone until November 2019. He couldn't sit by and not address the issue of the child. Did dna, started visitation. Everything. In March 2020, he started actin weird. I knew that depression was setting in on him. He felt bad about not being able.to be there for everyone. But I knew that she was trying to talk to him.in a way she shouldn't. Fast forward to May. I discovered that she had been trying to get him to be with her again. That she was telling him she loved him. He even said it back . He says one time to pacify her. Since the big blowout, I have been broken to pieces. He cut her off and hasn't talked to her that I know of in 2 weeks. But I cant really trust anything he says. Hes here and we spend time together. But I feel like hes broken now. Hes broken and distant. Hes sad that he messed everyone and everything up. Hes sad that he cant see his other child. But I need him to be here if hes going to be here. Talk to me. Give me love and emotions. Is that to much to.ask for? At what point to I understand hes understand alot and I am expecting to much? It's becoming hard for me to function on a daily basis. I'm sick physically. And some days I dont want to be alive at all. I cant believe this is my life.