Losing my will to do anything

This is my first post. I am hurting so badly.

My marriage has long been over. We've been together 6, married 4. Starting a year into our relationship, my husband began using dating apps. He went on escort sites. Ultimately he started cheating. We've had some good, but a lot of bad. I feel rejected, hurt, worthless and unlovable. I too had one affair. But I've done counseling, read books, and really made an effort to try to make our marriage better and I feel he has not.

well we just spent 2 years apart due to him going to korea for military service. I wanted to go and he insisted I don't come. While over there, he cheated on me several times with several different women. He begrudgingly came back to the states, and we moved together to the next location. Now, he says he is unattracted to me. He says he thinks there is better out there for him. I feel that way too but I want him to be that better. We rarely have sex. He says he doesn't want to have sex with me. When we do have sex, he doesn't finish. He lays there lifelessly, unengaged, sighs, and it just feels horrible for me. he throws out divorce, but then the next day acts fine. He refuses to delete the phone numbers of the women he cheated on me with.

I hurt so much. All I've wanted is to be loved, to have a happy marriage, and to have a family. I feel like I'm never going to get that now (29, no kids). And still I can't leave. I would have to be the one to move. Why can't I let go and move on to something better?