Loving him not not in love....

Ok so my story is long.

I met my husband at 17. We got pregnant and married at 19. We were ok. Young love I guess. We had two more kids and then things went bad. We grew on separate paths. And the communication was done in yelling and name calling. This was 7 years into marriage. We put our house up for sale. I admittedly had a one night affair. We decided to work on us. Moved into another house. Things didnt improve. He was another kid to me I was working full time, going to nursing school and doing my hospital rotations. I would come home to him drunk and the kids now 7 and under not cared for. I had another affair. This one lasted 3 months until I ended it and he told my husband. My husband asked for us to try to work. So we did. And then I got pregnant with our 4th. It was not a great time for it but I was in a place I could raise my kids alone. We lived together for convenience only. I met a guy and had a relationship with him in secret. When my youngest was 2 my husband again begged for us to try for the sake of the kids. Things were ok for about 16 months then he joined the army and didn't tell me until 60 days before he left for training. We were then stationed 1800 miles from home. I went and supported him. Life improved. Love returned. Then he deployed. He came home said he didnt want the family. So the kids and I returned home. I found my way. Had a job and lived life. Then ran into the man I had the secret relationship with and we decided to make it real.