My Past Infidelity, How can I leave it in the past?
My boyfriend of five years and I just split up, which was surprisingly my decision. Though he has been verbally, emotionally, and even a few times physically abusive to me, I feel like I did far worse to him. I cheated on him more times than I can probably remember, and he still is giving me a chance to change. We lived together the entire relationship, and now at 24, I find myself wanting to settle down and have a family, but the man I love is living in my apartment while he looks for a new one and I am stick moved back into my mother's house. I feel like this is all my fault, and I don't want to let him go. If you had been cheated on for the first four years of a relationship, would you want to wait for the one you love to change? Or should I let him go completely, so he can be free to find his own happiness? I feel somewhat selfish, but I have really made some strong life changes. I know I will never be unfaithful again, but is that enough?
@Skatekeys
I've been waiting for my ex girlfriend to change. Our relationship of almost 8 years fell apart because of her infidelity. I waited for months for her to change, to show me there was nothing in the world she wanted more than to be with me. Eventually, she realized she didn't want to continue her affair, that she was happier with me but by then, it was too late. I moved out of the apartment we shared and our life together ended. She wants to try and reclaim what she lost but I'm not sure that anything would really be different if we got back together.
You've already made life changes but you don't need to do it for him. Do it for yourself. Make the choices that will make you happy, focus on who you are without him. I lost my sense of self when my relationship ended. Finding it again will make me stronger and finding yourself will make you stronger too. Let him go. And if the two of you really belong together, you'll find your way back to eachother.
@ShadesBluer Thank you, that is really helpful. And since we haven't been living together, it has been a lot easier to focus on myself and learn I don't need to gain self-acceptance through other men. I have improved a lot, which I could not do when he was around. I just wish I knew how he really felt... If he wants to move on or not. When I asked him this he only told me that he isn't going to wait forever for me, but I would like the closure I think. I have also learned on my journey that I can't progress if I do change for him because inevitably I always go back to old bad habits. It has only been recently when my progress has stuck, and my goal became centered around myself.
@ShadesBluer I just need to learn how to let go now. Thanks for all your advice!
