My partner want's to go on a holiday with his ex for the child's sake
I met a gentleman 3 months ago. After spending a short period of time together, because he had to return home far away, but he asked me to wait for him for 4 months. I agreed. During time spent with him, he explained he has a daughter, 8 years old and her mother who he doesn't get along with. But the problem is that I sensed that he has some unresolved issues with the mother of his child which he strictly denies. I understand he want's to be with his daughter as much as he can and the poor girl even has psychological issues because of this dysfunctional relationship that they have, so she needs him even more. Now, I agree for him to be with his daughter as much as he can, but he thinks it is natural to sleep over at his exes house, go to a holiday with them, play house,...and the fact that I picked up unresolved issues, I just don't agree with his ideas. And it has come to a point now that I asked him 4 times assertively to stay away from his ex and spend time with his daughter away from her and he agreed, but just to get me off his back. Now I want to end this, but I am wondering if I am being selfish and unreasonable? To him, it seams completely natural to act as a husband to that woman and having me waiting for him. To me, this kind of behaviour is just not acceptable.
Thank you.
I completely agree with you. He should think more seriously about your expressed feelings if he cares about you. Try to ask him how would he feel if it was the other way round,maybe he'll think about it more in depth.
@EllieElle I did ask him. He said he wouldn't mind. He either said this because he wanted me to stop asking him to stay away or he doesn't care at all. Thank you for your opinion.
Here’s my feeling and I hope it helps....I have 5 kids to my ex, but I left 4 years ago. He is still the father of my kids and I can still see the good qualities in him and we find it easier to be together as a family from time to time instead of us having one by one time with him .... so for some things we get together as a family and other than that the kids don’t see him .... it just works better .... they see us being respectful ... there is no physical feeling there any more and no way I could go back into that sort of relationship with him, and he feels the same.....being around him reaffirms that every single time....we HAVE kids together and that’s the reality so we HAVE to find a relationship that works....and we have. Meanwhile I have a new man physically and emotionally and it’s wonderful between us. And he is extremely supportive of the situation I have with the ex and the kids....and I LOVE him for it....he wishes he could find the same way of relating to his ex as he hates having his kids go from his to hers which are totally different environments.....and his situation is drama-filled etc....and his loving support with my situation helps me be totally up front and honest with him and has made our relationship the one I want forever. If something happened to my ex this new man would even help me to help him, and he would want the kids to see that is what a good man would do, and it makes me very secure and grateful. I’ve found what I didn’t, and won’t ever have, with my ex, my kids are seeing good all round and there’s no drama so it only gets better and better. And if my new man had given me ultimatums instead of listening, loving and supporting I’d have had no choice but to stop my relationship with him and we never would have got to this place where we are all thriving. Anyway that’s my story but all people are different and it’s up to you what you choose to do and nobody can judge cos only you know how YOU feel.
@sincereFarm2814 Thank you for your time and story. It didn't help a lot though. I never had a problem with them spending time together, going out for lunch and showing respect to each other or whatever it takes to be sure the child is happy. I would love to be supportive and help and I was. But I have learned that he has some unresolved issues with her. I am not being insecure. It is just the way he talkes about her all the time, the fact that he spends days and nights in her house, fixing things in and around the house, acting like her husband. And even he said his friends think so too. It is alright with me for them to meet and spend time together for the childs sake, but you can't tell me that your new partner wouldn't mind you going for a holiday with your ex and leaving him behind, or sleeping over in your exes house telling your partner to wait for you.
Anyway, I know what you are saying and I wish I could be a support, but something is just not right and I can't let someone disrespect me in every possible way in regards to this issue. So I left him because it's for the best for the both of us.
Oh wow, you did it....I hope you’re going ok....it would have been hard. I wish I saw your post about leaving him sooner, I hope the days that have gone by have not been too sad. Maybe you even feel relieved about making the decision?
@sincereFarm2814 I did what I did because that was the right thing to do for his childs sake mostly. It doesn't make any sense to continue a relationship where compromises can't be reached from the beginning and where values are ridgid and too different. I understand him and I don't resent anything. And I am better now, taking it really well, although he doesn't want to let go, I know I made the right decision and will stick to it.
What does it mean when your partner sais "We are not in the same country, relax and enjoy your life and stop fixating on what I do and who I do it with"?