Narcissist ex - 27 years together
How do I even begin to find myself? Will I trust again?
He cheated - I just found out ... he had spent years convincing me in a covert way that if I were a better woman/wife that we would be happier and make it as I desperately hoped. I got crushed emotionally - ultimately abandoned emotionally (in retrospect it was never their with any real depth) - and I got out and have been fighting old beliefs for 1.5 years to stay on my own. Alone is better than toxic illusions of love and family. How do I survive this ?
@Purrmaid70
Firstly, recognise your own part in sustaining the toxic relationship. Books such as "Boundaries after a pathological relationship" (or similar) by Adeline Birch, and "You're not crazy, it's your mother" by Danu Morrigan can help - there is usually a lot of parental grooming that goes on in preparing someone to be the life-partner of a narcissist, and most survivors have to give up their parents as well. Also watch all the videos on Youtube by Dr Ramani, they are brilliant.
Narcissists are themselves unfortunate people, superficially charming and engaging, but totally and completely self-centred, who cause a disproportionate amount of emotional trauma within relationships. It has got to the stage where if I meet someone who has really been through it in a relationship, I start asking questions to see if the partner and/or parent was a narcissist, it explains so much so quickly to (unfortunately) so many people, and does help them to realise that they can move on.
