Narsistic Abuse?
My recent ex constantly changed his story of why he couldnt give me a real commitment. I had to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Anytime he did something for me it was done with obvious resentment. His family is overly enmeshed and his mother is mentally and emotionally abusive. He lived with her and I would have to pack a bag and drive to him Anytime I wanted to see him. I tried for 9 years to make a crappy situation work, but ended up breaking up with him. Ive had multiple panic attacks and severe anxiety over all of it. He almost convinced me to give it another try, but after asking again if there would be any real commitment and getting yet another excuse I held my ground. Now he is posting selfies constantly and leaving all the comments from random girls up. We had said that we would stay civil and try to be friends, but now I have blocked him because I feel like he is just trying to hurt me. Does this sound like narcissistic abuse? I have a constant line of thought in my head - 1 voice telling me I deserve better and 1 telling me I made a mistake and remember all the good times. I feel like Im crazy ☹️
@independentCranberry3055 i think youre right on both parts, he is a narcicist and good one at that, he had you for 9 years making all the effort! Gheez the power of a dick in this world.. pun intended! I understand i am dating one right now and the same two voices play in my head, you deserve better, but he wont chase me and im like waiting for him to validate me or something that i know i deserve and the longer i think im waiting the harder it gets, because their inability to care or only what benefits them gets so frustrating... also in fights they can flip the switch last minute and we want to accept it! Obviously we want to hear them say sorry but thats it thats all youll get, no progress.
@communicativeField303
im sorry to hear you have a narcissist in your life 🙁. You should get out sooner rather than later! I wish I had.
My Ex said sorry exactly one time in 9 years. That was when he was freaking out realizing I was really leaving him. That was also the first time I was told I was a smart, beautiful, strong woman and a great mother. The duration of our relationship he put his mother, sister, and neices on pedestals and constantly made me feel inferior to them. Sadly my kids were treated differently than his neices and he never really came to think of him as his kids. Even though he claimed he wanted kids when asked about commitment. I guess they just werent good enough 🤷♀️. They figured out that we werent a priority before I did though - thank god for small favors I guess.
@communicativeField303,
That will never happen,validation from a narcissist!They will not validate you because it's a way of maintaining power and control in the relationship.If you wait for him to admit he was wrong,won't happen (or call. happen with words only but not in actions,just as a part of the game)because they. never think it's their fault, they'll make you apologise and will not call you because he knows it's just what you expect him to do!You cannot beat a narcissist at his game,the best way out is don't play the game,get out and heal and move on!You should identify the pattern of behaviour and issues that allow you to attract narcissists in your life!
Hey,
Sorry to just jump in on this post but it peaked my interest.
I've been looking into my boyfriend, I think he is also a narsisist. We've been together 9 years also!
We moved in together (for the 2nd time) about 6 months ago and we had a falling out last week (Sunday) he said he didn't want to argue with me and then began to retract. We live in the same house and he is ignoring me, I talk to him and he either doesn't respond or gives me a one worded answer. I just wondered if either of you have had to deal with this with your narcasists? and if so, how? I'm trying really hard to keep my cool so I don't push him further into this silence.
I've had this from him a few times in the past where he would block me from all social media and turn his phone off etc if we fell out, but I can't believe he's pulling it when we're in the same house!
Sorry again!
Thanks :)
@Hanzzii,
It is not your fault,it is not you who is pushing him into the silence,it is him,his way of punishing you,it is a way of controlling you,with narcissists it's all about power and ,control,manipulation,it is his way of punishing you for confronting him,wanting answers,explanation etcHe wants to make you feel guilty,apologise and forget!It's a form of control - read about the red flag of narcissists,"the silent treatment"!
@independentCranberry3055,
This is exactly what it looks like, narcissistic abusive. relationship with several red flags --trying to make you jealous to feed off of your reaction to his posts (block him and don't do this hurt to yourself ,don't look at his posts,with narcissistic. people they cannot connect on an emotional level,that's why they move on so quickly ,you become jealous that they seem so happy so quickly,but they are not connected emotionally to the next target as well,just looking for supply and to hurt you), not wanting .committment(having issues with his mother,,meaning he is emotionally unavailable and not emotionally deveoped for a real relationship,we should look for an emotionally healthy man,not a project we.need to be involved with),hoovering (trying to get you back ).You'd better get out of this toxic situation asap for your own health and sanity!I feel for you,I' ve been there,trying to make it work,feeling miserable ,making compromises,feeling drained and exhausted most of the time!
