Not a breakup but

I love my boyfriend and we have been together for 10 years, friends for more. I sometimes feel I’m not good enough for him. And I don’t do enough for him.

there is also the fact he says I make him more happy than anyone else in the world. And that is true, but that’s just cause I know him well.

I know I love him and care for him more than almost all people he has ever met in his life, but sometimes I feel that love comes from a very selfish place.

My boyfriend is a much nicer person than most people I have ever met in my life beyond my family. And probably save my family and him, I don’t care much about humanity beyond protocol. But my love for him is very selfish. I need him to be a complete individual. He has always been a well adjusted guy. One of the nicest things about my boyfriend is he is a wholesome person and literally has no flaws. He lacks the depth of darkness people around me ever go through, he is light. He also is responsible for fixing my life and not letting it get to a chaotic mess. My family loves him.

I just feel like while his love comes from a place of altruistic affection, my love for him is very imprinted. He is my last refuge on the planet. He keeps me a good person. He is one of the most positive people I have ever come across beyond my family.

As it turns out, he is not sheltered but he has not accumulated the damage people around me tend to accumulate, and I did till an extent to. I admire that mental resilience. I think he is better than me at it. He makes me religious even though he is not a very religious person. And I feel like beyond my family I owe him the most on the planet for saving my soul and making me incredibly happy.

I just wish I didn’t need him so much. Maybe I hate myself for not being a whole person. I am usually a zombie when I’m single.