Please help, relationship issue
Hi all,
Recently, my boyfriend told me that he doesn’t think we should be together anymore and that he’d been feeling this way for about a month now. I asked him why and he was saying that he didn’t know why and he just felt this way. I kept asking constantly because I don’t believe that you just wake up one day feeling this way and I was so hurt because I didn’t know what I did wrong. He finally told me that he thinks that I try to control him, that I don’t trust him, and he was upset that he couldn't please me sexually. A couple times in our relationship of 1.5 years, there were a few instances where he gave me reasons not to trust him and he admitted that, so I agree that I didn’t fully trust him but I didn’t feel that was a reason for HIM to want to leave.. I understand the control thing too because I would watch his social media a lot, but it was all due to things he’d done in the past. I’m not sure if I should keep fighting for the relationship or let it be. I asked him if we were taking a break or if it’s a break up and he said he just needs some space and maybe a break up and idk what to do. I feel a bit blindsided because I didn’t know he felt this way and why wouldn't he tell me this so I could try to change the things he didn’t like that I did. Everything was normal (at least I thought) he wasn’t acting different.. this is just a slap in the face to me.
@independentPlum9647 Sorry to hear you're going through it right now. I can empathize. Trust is a very big issue in a relationship. Once it's broken, it's very hard to get it back. I don't think it would be fair for either of you to stay in a relationship that you both are questioning, especially only after a year and a half. If you want to fight for the relationship, then you must know that you have to let go of the past and move forward. If you can't do that, then you will find yourself punishing him for things he may not even be doing because you stilll distrust him. Then that distrust will turn into resentment on his part because he's being judged on his past. At that point, it becomes a no win situation. So, think long and hard about it, and if you can let go of the past and you believe he's worth the fight, then by all means fight for it. Otherwise, maybe it's a good idea to take this little break and see what you two truly want. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.... Good luck!
@independentPlum9647,
to add to NarcissisticNick69's great answer, consider this.
Letting go is not about forgetting, ignoring, leaving behind.
It is about letting in.
Look back at situations that caused mistrust, and see if you can understand.
Understand, not necessarily agree.
If both of you are able to do that, then there are no guarantees that you can restore trust, and don't feel any kind of resentment, anger, hurt, you name it.
But it might help to come closer through mutual undderstanding.
As for trust, you might find out that wounds are so deep that you can't fully trust right now.
Those wounds might heal, or not.
If not, you still might make it work if both partners involved are fully aware that there are areas where there is no full trust.
By being aware you can deal with it without going back into damaging patterns.
Still, there should be trust based on unconditional love.
If that kind of trust is non-existent, if you can't feel unconditional love for each other, then it is end of story.
Take care.