RJOCD & Breaking Up

My boyfriend of 3 Yrs initiated a move-out. We have a month to move. He deals with retroactive jealousy OCD (not in treatment) and I have MD, PTSD, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Agoraphobia, OSFED (seeing therapist & psychiatrist). I also have health issues.

Anyways, I am sad and scared about losing my relationship because we do have a lot of fun when it’s good times. Truth is, my bf hasn’t treated me well consistently throughout our relationship because of his RJOCD (I found out about this term a month ago and told him). He’s run over my boundaries about my past for years. He’s very jealousy and says he feels like a ‘cuck.’ He often becomes extremely passionate, and basically cruel, when he talked about his hurt. I put up with it at first and comforted him every time it happened, then began matching his energy back after a while. When we talked about my feelings about our relationship, or I tried to (def using “I feel”) he wasn’t understanding or kind and he would somehow flip it around on me. This disregard and flipping only started after he began asking questions about my past, probably due to underlying RJOCD. Before this, he was very kind and loving to me bringing up relationship concerns. We had some large arguments and drama followed. I am no angel, and began causing problems, too. I felt so resentful for being punished and berated for my past. I felt dehumanized, like an object. I was blamed for a lot. He would say he wants a break then 24 hours later beg for me back and say he wants to beat RJOCD. I’ve developed deeper depression, more PTSD, and EDNOS because I don’t feel great in this relationship.

It’s toxic because when it’s good, I feel great.

When it came to my health, he was great and consistently there for me. Always helped me get my meds or massage me. During trips, he would drive because he knew I was in pain and anxious.

He says he loves me more than he’s loved anyone and wants to marry me someday but he insists on a break to “heal” himself but he doesn’t plan on seeing any type of professional, like I’ve begged for us as a couple and individually for him many times. He said no every time saying it won’t work. When I asked him how does he plan on healing himself he said “he didn’t really know.” I feel he has more unhealthy plans.

He says he wants a year break. In a year, I will have hindsight & will probably feel like I don’t want to be with him anymore. But right now I’m hurt. I know this is irrational, but I thought I would be the one to end it. I don’t know why I want him to stay. The evidence is in front of me. A while ago, We had agreed to make a decision about our status a bit after my 25th birthday (I am 25 in 2 weeks). He didn’t want me to waste my 20s. I confronted him this Valentine’s Day and said this isn’t working out very well & what can we do differently. We agreed to have talks daily and wait till my birthday for a final decision as we agreed. After many good days, I began to be hopeful again. He then told me he def wanted to move out and be away from me to heal.

I am scared to be alone even though this was rough. I am sad he wouldn’t get the help he truly needs. I started individual therapy again when I realized it would help our relationship. Idk if I’m over sharing. Can anyone chat or offer advice? Thank you <3