Rough patch after newborn
First post here just joined a few days ago and did some browsing in the threads reading stories and other experiences.
Guess I'm here just looking for advice, guidance and just to vent get things off my chest.
My wife and I have been married 2yrs been together almost 5yrs. We had our first child June of 2021 so he's shy of 11months and to be completely honest it's been rather rough (at times) just dealing with all the new routines and other things that make the household run. She went through some post partum but that seems to be in our past now but she's very quick to get an attitude towards me or raise her voice to a stern level. Now by no means am I perfect and 60% of the time we get along great! But I blew up the other night after she snapped on me for "telling her to be more careful" as she had tripped getting into out play pin while holding our son (he's fine) which I rushed over and grabbed him to comfort him and that's the words I said... guess I was wrong??? Said a bunch of mean things that I didn't care about HER or that if I had fallen she wouldn't of said "be more careful" which made her feel like I was saying she wasn't or something.... so I got mad and said F you then, you don't got to be a b***h about it. Which my fault cause it made it worse so I slammed the door takijg the trash out beacuse i was trying to cool off and she locked me out!?!
So come to find out when I slammed the door it must of wedged itself where the handle wouldn't open so I put my shoulder to the door and tried getting back in and walahhh it came open. Anyways she then yelled at me saying I have no care for the house we pay good money for and that I need3d to see a therapist to get my anger under control because she didn't want our son around that.
This is no lie.. I've only exploded twice in 5yrs and now it's come to I need therapy? Like I was laughing at the fact because it was my fault the door locked when I realized but she continued on with it for 2 days!
So lastly she gave me till end of May to speak with someone to make sure I understand I can't be like that around our son or treat her that way. SORRY for the long post but I need guidance.. there's a lot more to out history (nothing violent) but if anyone wants to reach out with words, advice etc I'm all ears.
Thanks ladies/gents
@Roxdrop89 @Roxdrop89 It sounds like you have been under a lot of stress and newness with your baby and wife, and that's causing tension. Given that a baby is such a major life change, I think it makes sense for you and your wife to still be working out how to interact with eachother and life itself in terms of these new demands you are experiencing. It is clear you are feeling frustrated, and venting/talking it out with an outside source such as this site can be a great way to let yourself have a little space and pause as you try to find out what works for you.
Thank you for the reply. I posted to yes vent and get all this off my chest and in this section because during our talking it out she mentioned divorce. Long story short we've just spent so much time dealing with the newness and day in day out work, home, eat, feed him and start the bedtime routine that we've struggled to be the old us and intimacy has kinda left the past 6 months cause we're both tired etc. We try and do things with him all the time but no time for just us and I think that's played into our stress against each other?
I fear divorce because of how much I would miss coming home to his face and being as a whole family. (Both of us game from divorced families) so its theast thing at least for my sake I'd want to happen.
I have a hobby and passion for project vehicles and wood working but when I try and escape to work on them in the garage I'm sometimes met with she can't be the only parent... but yet? I tell her to go to the store, go to her moms, go hang with her friend and I'll watch him but she never really does which I think doest help with her mental health towards our marriage.
Sorry for the long reply and start.. just glad to get this out.
Thanks.
There is a section for fathers (or the non birthing partner) on postpartum.net maybe check it out. I feel like there are a lot more resources for mothers online than fathers… So sometimes it’s hard to find as much information.
new babies are hard on a relationship. Anything anything changes with breastfeeding (Starting and stopping increasing decreasing) there can be hormonal shifts for your wife. I feel like a lot of people don’t realize that, so I make sure it mention it.
my husband likes going to a therapist because he can vent and have someone see his perspective. It makes him feel heard. Frankly it sounds like you would both benefit from seeing (your own) therapists.
Thank you, we've discussed the last couple days me going to a regular therapist for a bit to vent and just explain myself. It's definitely been a huge shift in who we were but never change having our son for anything we just need to work through all this.
I will check that site out thank you for the information