Still thinking of ex after 7 years.

Our relationship started when we were 17, we were together for a few months before I got pregnant. When I told him he softly punched my stomach (not too hard, I think it was a nervous joke) and said 'if I hit hard enough will it go'. I think he was joking, but it's something that has stuck in my head. We broke up soon after - we were in college together and I had to stop due to really bad morning sickness, he told our friends that I had broke up with him but I hadn't. I didn't know until one of my friends texted me, I asked him and he was adament that I had broke up with him but I don't know why, he never actually explained.

We haven't seen each other since then. I lost all but one of my friends while I was pregnant, they just stopped talking to me and I fell into depression. About a month after our daughter was born, my last friend texted me to tell me that she was in a relationship with my ex and asked me why I wouldn't let him see our child. I explained that I hadn't heard from him (I texted him to tell him she had been born but didn't get a reply). Soon after he texted me to ask about her, I told him that he could visit her whenever he wanted. I never heard from him again.

Our daughter is 6 and a half years old now. I feel scared everytime I leave my house, I don't go anywhere on my own and our daughter and I still live with my parents as I'm scared to find jobs in certain areas incase he is there. I'm looking for jobs that would be an hour commute and hoping to move there, I feel like I might be ok if we don't live near him. He lives in another town, about 15 minutes away. It's taking quite a while to get a job away from here and I'm getting quite dishearted.

I'll go a month or two without thinking about him and then out of nowhere he just pops into my mind, and I cry thinking about him almost every night. I found out he got married two years ago and was almost physically sick. I have no idea why though, I don't think I love him.

I'm sorry this is a long post, I just feel really lonely today.