The end of a home

This is going to be a little long story

I met my current ex gf at work after my previous relationship ended i was 27 years back then it ended when i proposed to her and caught her cheating red handed it took me about 2 years to go trough that feeling until i met my current x gf , i met her at work and i felt some chemistry we got together and after 1 year i moved in with her after 2 years we went on to buy our own house everything was going fine and well she wanted kids and i wanted kids to so we went on to have our 1st child after he was born we where so happy and focused on him that we lost each other as a couple , the baby was sleeping in the same bed as us we where both working full time jobs we didn't have anytime for each other at that moment in my life i made the biggest mistake in my life and had an affair . This happened without any intend for it to happen it all started by talking until one day a kiss and so forth.. i had the affair for almost a year untill i couldn't live with myself like that anymore i had to break it off it took me a whole lot of strength to break it of i told her i cannot keep doing this to my family im sorry we have to stop . After i broke of the affair i still couldn't find myself back to treating my gf as i have always treated her i cried at night because of the guilt i was feeling.. then came covid and its lockdown and during the lockdown we got pregnant to our second child .. after he was born i still couldnt treat my gf the same after he turned one i got covid so my eldest son was away from home i noticed she was acting really distant and asked her if she was alright.

And then is when she told me she isnt feeling happy . That we should take a break we went on for a little while and then is when i finally could confess to her that i had an affair .

And thats when i found out she was having an affair to i then asked her to cut it off before it gets any worse because its hard to break it of cause i have been there she asked for a litlle time so i sent them on vacation she called me whilst still on vacation to ask me to pack my stuff and leave .. i did as she asked and left ...

Now after 9 months of being alone and she still being with her new bf i realised what actually happend between the two of us how we lost all type of intimacy in our relationship she agrees with me but then tells me she cant forgive me for my affair.. i have put myself to understand how she was feeling but it doesnt seem like she wants to understand how i was feeling