To divorce or not to someone you still love
For the past year and a half I have been feeling like the person I married and have been with for 8 years is missing fundamental relationship elements that are important to me. In other words our emotional relationship is not at this moment where I see myself spending the rest of my life with. I have no idea why I never relaxed this until now 2 years into our marriage but it has made me extremely sad and unsure about what to do.
We never fight. Never have. He was understanding when I told him how I feel and asked what he can do because he doesn’t want to loose me but I don’t know what to tell him because these aspects are mainly to do with his personality. I feel so bad and don’t want to hurt him by telling him I’m simply not happy being with him. So now I have to decide whether to get a divorce or stay. And it’s the hardest decision ever and I am so confused but I’ve felt this way for so long now. If it has to do with his personality and me being unhappy being with him and spending time with him then how can things possibly change?
I know exactly how you are feeling currently. I’ve been married longer though. Married 10 years together 12.
I do not feel that we connect any more. I feel at best that I have a great friend and at worst at times a terrible roommate. I do not have the answer for you, as I am hitting this same wall currently.
I’ve helped my wife raise 4 kids who are now adults except for the youngest being a Freshman and we have a new house. I have poured my everything in to this marriage to get nothing back anymore.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
I am very sorry you are going through this is well. My mind, and yours as well I’m assuming, has been nonstop up and down, left and right, one minute I think one thing the next I go another way. You are correct when you say you have more invested into your marriage, and there is a book I am reading - When marriage needs an answer, that may help a little bit.
I hope that with a little more time the answers for both of us will fall into place, and I wish you happiness and the best of luck as well.
@quickwittedAcres6426,
have you ever considered relationship therapy? It might not save your marriage but it might help to understand one another better, so communication becomes a two way street.
we have talked about it but we were unsure what we would talk about because we hardly ever argue, but that’s a good suggestion and it may help us reach peace with whatever we decide, thank you
I'm going through the same thing. On top of it we havent had a good conjugal/sexual relationship for a while. I've asked for couples therapy and he avoids the topic every time I bring it up. I've been in therapy myself to work on our issues alone. I love my husband and he is my best friend, but that's all it feels like anymore, like I'm married to a platonic friend, or have a roommate. We have large fundamental differences, that keep widening the gap. I can say from my experience, I've tried reconnecting through various activities and regularly bringing up topics of conversation to help the situation. If your partner is receptive maybe you can move past it or meet in the middle on certain fundamentals. But unfortunately, if the fundamentals arent something that can shift, it probably won't get better. I've been working on my feeling like this for around a year now, it's tiring, because somethings are slow to change or keep reverting. It's a lot of work and sometimes it feels like it's for nothing, but if it does end in separation, you can say your tried your hardest to make it work, and hopefully look back without regret.