Trial Seperation & feeling hopeless
Background: my wife & I have been married for 4 years. We were both 19 when we got married. We have a stepdaughter whose father isnt in the picture at all.
We started with a lot of stress initially & has been a roller coaster for the past year. She left to stay with her mom & we were working on things as well. She had a breakdown & attempted suicide after telling me some things that really made me consider divorce. I helped her through everything & tried making it work. It was great for a few months & she was changing for the better. I grew resentment & started being really rude. No physical abuse. She ended up leaving which is current again. I am in a position where I am having really bad trust issues & our communication is not up to par. We talked about both trying 100% but this trust issue is not really helping with anything. I feel like shes trying 50% of the time & I feel Im just being treated like an option. I dont want to continue feeling this way. I just need someone to talk to that can help me talk through this & maybe help me come to a decision.
@helphelio
You guys are young (no offense meant) and are probably still figuring out what you want out of life. I'm still figuring that out and I'm 43! ;) I'm also about 5-6 weeks into a separation with my husband of 6 years. We also have a blended family--his daughter is 15 and spends 1-2 days with us a week (used to be 50/50 but she has her own ideas about custody now) and my son is almost 11 and is with us 100% (his birth father is out of the picture).
For us, the separation has been good for us each to figure out what we want for ourselves and for our relationship together. It's given us space to do things apart so that we are together only when we choose to be. We've dated a few times and are slowly spending more time together as a couple and with my son. We're each seeing counselors individually to help provide perspective, and will see a counselor together this weekend to decide how we want to move forward.
I'd suggest you each try to do the same: figure out what you need and whether you can meet that need with each other or in another way. I realized I have a higher need for social interaction than he does, and was expecting that we do most things together. I was unconsciously expecting our marriage be similar to my parents' marriage (and he was expecting the same as his parents' marriage), even though that wasn't what either of us wanted. Now I'm giving him more space and alone time while I'm spending more time with friends. We're both communicating our needs better: I'm asking for what I want and he's trying to listen (rather than just make suggestions/tell me what to do).