Trying to make sense....
So I'm not technically broken up with my boyfriend of 10 yearsyet; but I fear the writing is on the wall. We've struggled with a rollercoaster last 9 months of me finding out he had an affair; us committed to work through it; him leaving; him coming back; now him not being sure what he wants and most likely will leave after this weekend of "self-reflection"
But here is what I'm trying to make sense of (because not much of the last 9 months makes sense):
When asked today what he was going to do; he stated "I told you I need the weekend to reflect" I've sensed he's leaving all week; so being the person that needs to know things NOW; I restated my question "Well if you had to decide today; what would you decide" He said "to leave"--I stated--"what's going to change in two days?" "I don't know".
I left the house. He left for the weekend. I returned with a note that said "I love you". He called when he got to where he was going and said "I love you, Honey" and just now called to say good night ending it with "I love you, (my name),"
Why, oh why, does someone what that's all but out the door and back to the OW still say "I love you" without me saying it first.
I still have hope for us; although I think it over; I can't help to have a little hope for the "I loves you" and his true "self reflections" this weekend (although a cop out most likely to buy himself time to figure out how he's going to say goodbye to the dog...)
Any insight?
Hi Quiet, I am so sorry to hear you're going through this.
I take a few things from your post..
your partner sounds insecure. He has had an affair, he wants to be alone but then he is saying he loves you; it sounds like the 'love' he is communicating is his codependency issues and his love that he will always have for you. Ten years is a long time and you will always love each other no matter what.
However, there is a big difference between loving someone, and being 'in love' with someone. I have no doubt your partner loves you very much, he must know (given the past years events) that you are a fantastic partner.
unfortunately, I think he is only staying because he is scared of being without you. Do you do a lot for him? Are you financially intertwined? If you removed all the commonalities do you think you would last if you were simply dating and not sharing so much together (physically and emotionally)?
Thanks for your reply. I would say you are spot on with his co dependency issues.
We are for the most part both really independent of each other in terms of relying on the other person for financial support. We both do our equal share in the relationship however I do take care of organizing finances; cleaning, and dog care duties. We are in a lease and all bills are split down the middle.
Im going through a break up and somebody have an app that is tracking my moment and they are doing what ever it takes to make me die of sickness. It seems like they have access to my phone account and and all my contacts. I know my ex is playing the black widow in this and my so-called God mom has warn me about my ex and how much power she power have and have alot of friends. To be honest eith the world the game that is player on me is nothing but cowards alive player this. For someone to stock on me and use others to delut my drinks to make me ill as death is a cowards on my list. Its seems like the only person that cares is God and on 4/27/15 he manage to save me just on time and gave me a new life with all the help from his awesome children. But I just dont understand why do I have to stay alive and face this crap from those cowards again.
The fact that he's questioning his love and commitment towards you after this long is a bad sign. It seems like he's playing games with you, after having an affair things won't be the same between you two. I think you should make the tougher decision and end things for good, or like you said earlier things will become a roller coaster. Which is right, things will be good and then things will go bad, off and on, you don't want that. Especially since you guys have been together for so long and now this is happening. You don't want to wait around for him and waste more time to get hurt in the end. Yes he may come back to you and want to work things out, but then you run the risk of something happening in the future and you end up wasting more time just to get your heart broken in the end. If I were you, I would end it for good. Yes that will be very hard but it will be worth it and then you can move on and focus on yourself and find someone better in the future. If you need someone to talk to I am here for you, take care.