Trying to move on..

Im currently married and trying to find the guts to move on and let go..

Ive been with my husband for almost 4 years but this relationship for me has been really mentally abusive, draining and manipulative.. two months after having my daughter I found out he cheated on me multiple times while we were just dating. I already had postpartum depression but it kinda got worst with all that, I started over eating and let myself go & gained weight. I let everything go so we could be a family I didnt want my daughter growing up without her father like I did.. I cant really say I forgave him because till this day I dont trust him, I have tried but he always does something to make me feel insecure, and I feel like after I found all of that out, our relationship has never been the same and honestly I would ignore that feeling because im bad with confrontation and have abandonment issues I guess... but now things have gotten worst to where he calls me names when we fight and says things that really hurt me... and if I cry he just get more mad and bothered but I just cant find it in myself to up and leave... we have two kids now theirs so much more to all of this but its harder to talk about..