Unhealed Wound from Breakups
Last year July I broke up with my boyfriend Mark because I was suffering anxiety and depression and thought it was better to end that way. I love him deeply, but I don’t love myself enough to be able to give love. I was almost ruined last year and went to a psychotherapist. I have to admit that there is no one day that I don’t miss him and think about him. I know if I wanted him back I would have to restore and heal myself first but I can’t seem to let go of my guilt and regrets. Like many others, I didn’t know that my words and actions were hurtful when he was with me. I wish one day we will start communicating again. The feelings intensify in particular when I’m going through stressful days, which makes life more miserable. I have an exam and assignment near due but these few days I’ve just been really exhausted, upset, and negative. I’ve tried prayers, but that has only kept me thinking positive on some days, and usually the emotional fluctuations that followed get even worse. How can I let go of the guilt and pain? Beautiful and kind souls, please pray for me and help me out with my relationships with myself and Mark.
@steamegg810
You made that decision (to leave your partner) for all the right reasons. To care for yourself better. Even though you loved him deeply and even now when things are so difficult; you made that decision for the both of you and it was the right decision! Sometimes we want something so desperately in our lives, but for whatever reason we can't have it. Maybe it's not the right time, or we are not ready, or it is not God's plan!
But you are not a terrible person. You are not a hurtful, cruel person and you did not do this to hurt Mark. You didn't want to have to do this, but you knew it was the right thing to do. You did this precisely because you are not selfish, and you didn't think solely about your own desires, but considered what would be in the best interests of both of you. You did all of this for both of your sakes, for his long term happiness, as well as yours. You did a kind thing, and the right thing, even though it meant both of you are apart.
I'm sorry for you both that it worked out that way - but please stop punishing yourself over it! You don't deserve this torment. Let go of your regret and unhappiness and guilt. Remind yourself every day that you are working to become a better person. Everyone is fighting a difficult battle. Everyone wants and deserves happiness! You're a human being, with feelings, and wishes, and needs, and problems, who had to make a difficult decision - but you made it with kindess and for all the right reasons. So forgive yourself. Accept yourself. Love yourself.
Praying you find peace and acceptance within yourself,
CatsInTheCradle
Im so sorry for what youre going through i know it hurts. Im replying because my husband and I have separated after 8 yrs because he has a lot of unresolved traumas and unhealed wounds which he said it wasnt fair for me to keep me waiting. Im currently so lost without him and im wishing every day he would call me. But when we separated I understood him. It hurt me so much but I told him I wanted him to be happy and to get better. In the meantime he will work on himself but this could end in divorce. I believe how things happen as they are meant to. We are just so afraid of change and are not able to see a good future when we feel helpless. But in the end, things that are meant will be and feeling helpless is only a feeling. All we can do is work on ourselves to make us better human beings for the sake of our own happiness and others. I write this with my heart broken but with a positive one no matter what happens.