Unhealthy Relationships
As children we grow up with the idea that someone will turn out to be your "one". We tend to think this is the first person we've fallen for, and then we let them take over our lives. When you are in an unhealthy relationship for the first time, you sometimes let the other person control you, because you don't want them to leave you. You don't want to lose your "one". After experiencingand overcoming a year long unhealthy relationship, I have discovered that there are going to be 15 ones in my life. It's okay to be concerned about whether someone is treating you right. In my new relationship, my boyfriend and I thrive on keeping our relationship happy and healthy. We do the best to keep things fun and fair.
I totally get what you're saying. I've been divorced twice. I had a really abusive childhood that I've just carried into other relationships.
I've been divorced from my second husband for 12 years and just this month have gotten myself back out there and have met someone. I've had a lot of therapy to deal with my childhood issues and I hope I've learned something and don't continue to make the same mistakes I have in the past.
I'm sorry to here about the abusive childhood. It sounds like you're taking some really great steps, and I wish you the best with the new significant other. :)
I think "the one" is just, the one you are most committed to, who is equally committed to you. My husband and I didn't fall head over heels for one another. We fell in love over a span of 10 years, and got to know one another so well that we decided to commit our lives together. We work hard every day to make time for one another, to love one another, and to try to make each other happy. If either of us slacks off or stops trying it shows and our relationship suffers for it. We make an effort, to make an effort, if that makes sense.
It's not very romantic on paper, but in life, it's incredibly romantic. Our life is full of love, laughter, and an incredible friendship built on a rich history we share together. In the moments when I falter and wish we were more passionate or reckless, I remind myself that this is what I believe long lasting relationships are built on, and then I find a way to bring a little reckless passion into things. ;)
Great post.
That's so beautiful. Relationships are a lot of work, and you have to find someone who is willing to put in that effort with you. So happy for you that you found that.