Unsure of my relationship with my ex please help!

Well itslong and confusing but please read as I really would love some advice as Im having really hard time.I had ended an unhealthy 6 yr relationship.It was a cuckold relationship that I never really felt comfortable with so I knew I didnt want a future with him.So I went and lived the single life doing whatever. & one guy I met I really hit it off with. But I was scared & I tend to push people away (not purposely tho) and hurt thembefore they can hurt me. This guy was different & i really liked him. Because of my previous lifestyle I have a hard time saying no to guys, so I hooked up with a random one night. I told this new guy right away & he was upset but was alrite with it cause he said he was really interested in me. Soafter a few weeks we said we were only seeing eachother but not dating yet. But one night I seena guy I had beenhanging out withprior to this guy, & we ended up kissing. So I told this new guy right away.& he was super hurt but he didnt wanna end things an basically told me he loved me. & we hadnt even known eachother very long yet. So it was really special. We started seeing eachother more&it got really seriousfast..he even unofficially proposed after a few months and was supposed to be moving in with me. Butthen we were fighting lots cause of distance and things likethat..& cause we are both really jealous people. Then he broke up with mebecause of thefighting..andhe said he wasn't doing it to go be single, he jus felt i was better off without him and could do better. He said he never made me happy. & that he never really felt he could trust me again, although I had been completely faithful & shown that. So we were broken up for about 2 months. I was so depressed cause I know I wanna be with just him forever. He was the only guy that once I really fell for, I didnt wanna go be with other guys & I got over that cuckold stuff that I hated.So then we had to eventually meet to exchange things. We hit it off of course cause we never stopped loving each other. He asked if i was with anyone else & I could never lie to him so I said yes, but he said he hadnt been. So then he almost quit right there. But I told him no one else ever mattered & that I was just depressed without him.He said he wanted to try things again & that all those feelings never left & he said Ilooked like his wife & tht he was so unhappy & depressed without me& bunch of other things like that. But that he wanted to go really slow this time so that wedidntend up fighting again & he wasnt ready for a relationship.It was amazing for a couple weeks & he was just like the sweet guy before. Butthen he started becoming really distant and said he's not ready for arelationship at all..buti wasn't asking forone..weonly said we were seeing each other. So I said thats fine with me I dont care about that stuff I jus wanna be with him. So we'd have good & bad daysfor a couple months now. He works away so we really have barely seen eachother.Butnow all of a sudden he asked for some time alone & thats hes in a weird place right now. & he didnt wanna see me on his days off for christmas& my bday. So I got super upset since he promised me he would, so then we fought bad & I said I wanted my things back and stuff &he said he knew things wouldnt change so he was done too.But then I didnt wanna lose him so I tried to talk more rationale & it calmed down a bit. He said he jus wanted to figure his own stuff out but that he wasnt saying toend things. But he didnt wanna see me. So that just really hurts & makes mereally confused. & I feel like hes testing me causewhen we got back together he saidthat if i truly believed in us I wouldn't have went and did anything. & he said hes never been as jealous about other girls as he was with me. He was even in a 6 yr relationship too. So thats why i feel maybe he's testing me again in a way. Pushing me away to see if i will wait for him. But then Im scared maybe he changed his mind about wanting to be with me. Cause he said in life hes always wanted a gf & now he doesnt &thats why he has to figure out whats wrong. But I just dont understand how he can be saying all the things he did & that he wants to be with me forever & everything but now all of a sudden hes needs time alone. I understand people need space. But he hasnt been showing me he loves me or still wants to be with me really. He said he doesnt wanna end things but I feel like hes jus scared to let me go & he knows I wont leave him so hes keeping me on a string kind of. I dont know. I can picture my entire future with him, we had it all planned out, & I know thats what scared him. But I dont know how to handle all my emotions right now. I feel worthless & unloved & just dont know what to do. I hope some people will read this & just give any advice or anything at all. I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much.