Valentines Day is hard
A year ago today, my wife started the seperation that eventually lead to our divorce in September of last year. The divorce came as a complete shock to me, as she kept telling me that we would work on fixing our relationship over that summer, then pulling the rug out and saying its over. Through help from my friends I have started to move in the right direction, and most nights are fine. But today, with is being not only the anniversary of the begining of the end, but also Valentines day to boot, I just feel trapped in a vortex of loneliness.
@ZenDarklight
Sorry to hear that but this valentines day you have a chance to love yourself and carry on with your inner self you won't always be alone one day you'll find another women and who knows after a few more valentine days in few more years you'll be throwing rose petals but your never alone now nor then that's good you got friends who have been helping you good luck and remember valentines day isn't just about the person your with also loving yourself and them best of luck
Dear 7 Cuppers,
I wish I had known about this section before Valentine's Day. I would have written my post here.
I am in the mist of going through divorce during the Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthday and Valentines Day. We got engaged on Valentines day, and our first anniversary would have been before Valentine's day! So far, we are not going to make it......
I said all that to say that I have spent the last 4 months in pain because of the pending divorce during these holidays and missing the good part of our relationship.
Because the holidays mean so much to me, I had to do something to get myself through those days. I knew they would be too difficult to be alone.
So here it is. For Thanksgiving, I drove myself 500 miles to visit family and that visit was awesome. I reconnected in ways that I would have missed had I not gone. For Christmas (and those other holidays), I invited friends for each weekend of the month and this Christmas was one of the best Christmases I have had in many years. For Valentine's day, I gave a party for a friend of mine whose 77th birthday was on 2/14.
I think being active has helped me get through these the holidays that should have been firsts for my marriage. It was excruciatingly painful. But with something to do, that I planned, I made it through. I look back now and the pain is still there but that time has past and I can focus on getting through to each new day.
I realize I have much work to do to get through the divorce, which I don't want, but I am trying to enjoy each day even through there is pain from this situation. I have decided that my husband is not going to steal my joy!
I am so sorry that you feel badly because of situations. I hope you find peace and joy again one day.
I am hopeful that you can find some good times in the middle of all of these changes.
Best.......
@loyalDay5445
PS. I am planning something new for myself each month and a movie or play each week.....keeps my spirits up....and keeps my interactions up as well! :-)
@loyalDay5445 Sorry to hear about your pending divorce. It can be very difficult, especially in our minds. However, you seem to have a plan that is working for you. I may try to do something similar to help me through my divorce,though I'm still fighting for the marriage
@Sdnf4Iawu!
Hi! Interesting that you would say that you are fighting for the marriage. I wonder what that looks like.
My husband says he has moved on. But he also told me to "hold on". He said he has mixed feelings and then he tells me to submit the petition for divorce. I am confused most of the time but I know since we have not seen one another in nearly 6 months, it is not likely that he really wants our marriage anymore.
He and I have started the paperwork. That part does feel good I must admit. Believe it or not, we are working together on that activity. However, my heart is not ready. I have done small things to let him know that I am not ready to divorce but his comebacks are cruel to me.
I wonder what moved on means when you are still married legally and religiously. That doesn't make sense to me.
I am fighting on a different level. I am fighting in prayer. I asked him to fast and pray with me but he would not.
While I have forgiven him and we have agreed to divorce, I would reconcile.
You see, I mixed as well. We are both mixed I guess. We won't get counseling now and the pastor we talked to said it is not a good situation and that my husband is unable to decided between women.
So, while I am mixed, I am ready to move on as well.
Today, if the Courthouse is open on Presidents day, I will submit the paperwork as I promised him.
Thanks for listening.
@loyalDay5445
Hello, the court house was open, I submitted the paperwork. We both signed and he wrote the check.
It was a difficult experience. I stopped to breathe. Sang "When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high." Tryied to cry but no tear fell.
I went to a Christian bookstore and got some water, sat for a while, re-gained my composure, bought a book, prayed and then drove home.
Now we wait for the court date and the final word from the judge.
Moving on.......