We decided to explore separation, and I'm happy?!?!?
After a year or more of fighting, counseling, and trying to improve our relationship, my husband and have decided to explore separating. I was talking with a friend last night and she really crystalized it for me by saying that he's probably not going to change, and that I really deserve to be happy. Ever since, I am almost giddy. I am excited for the future instead of depressed. That's not to say I'm not a little bit sad about the end of my marriage, but I think I felt trapped so long in an unfufilling relationship where I felt constant pressure to be loving when I didn't feel loved and to be appreciative when I didn't feel appreciated.
Obviously I don't want to jump right into another serious relationship (or even a series of non serious relationships) right away, but I do have a deep longing for the emotional connection I never felt. Any advice from those who've BTDT on how to proceed?
@peacefulforest75 You are just getting out of a marriage. Take some time to appreciate the freedom you have after so many years. Do things he didnt like doing, anything that will make you happy and that youll be doing alone. Im saying this cause its very important to take some time away from relationships. I understand you wish to have a deep emotional connection with someone, but first you could use some time to take everything out of your system, everything conserning your ex husband. Serious relationships wont go anywhere, but time to enjoy being single is limited and is always so useful in future relationships as it clears your mind. I hope everything keeps going towards the best for you
Ugh, I had a day of feeling relieved and free from the burden of this relationship. Then he comes home (I haven't moved out yet) and is clearly going out his way for me. I see how he is suffering from the thought of our relationship being over and feeling failure for his part in that (he's told me this and I can see it is true). This plus pressure from friends and family to "keep working on it" really puts me in a tough place. I really don't know what to do. I don't feel anything has really changed and that the same dynamic is still there that leads me to feeling unloved and unimportant to him. I'm thinking that I need to acknowledge his efforts but also move out for awhile for some space.
I don't want it to be this hard.
@peacefulforest75 I understand that seeing how hard this is for him creates negative feelings for you too. It seems to me its harder for him to handle cause he hasnt realised why and that its over. This isnt your problem though as you have every right to find happiness where you like. If you wish to help him get over it too though, show to him that there is no coming up, help him realise that you are moving on and he should do the same
