Worst break up

@Sadsoul5432

Hi. I feel for you, truly. Breakups are SO difficult. We always want things to be beautiful, rosy, and easy-going like when they first start, who wouldn't? The way you're feeling is completely normal and it will be some time before you feel better. It's probably one of the hardest things to go through: grieve the loss of someone you love, AND who is still alive.

I would like to suggest that you ponder over those points a little:

1. You both noticed that the relationship was tense and hectic: Love is NOT all you need for a relationship to work. So many more important aspects need to be present for a relationship to thrive and continue. Things like respect, compatibility, communication, safety, acceptance, and the list goes on. Something was missing and that caused the relationship to fall through. Ask yourself what it is that you want out of a relationship? Just someone to hold so that you're not alone, or a healthy union that builds you and grows and LASTS, not because two people are scared to be alone, but because they are happier and better in THAT relationship. I'm not saying your love is not real; it all is and I have no right to dismiss it, but a toxic or unhealthy relationship will turn that love into things that it's not such as resentment, disappointment, depression, anxiety - none of which are fun things to live with.

2. It takes two people to have a relationship, and only to break it. If he doesn't want to work on it or doesn't know how to or sees no hope, there's nothing you can do about it because he's choosing not to have a relationship. You deserve better than to hold onto someone who does not want to hold onto you. I know how difficult it is to let go but it IS necessary. Never put your life on hold for someone to hopefully choose you one day. You always come first, you. You deserve just as much love as you feel for him.

3. Take this time to heal and become comfortable with being alone. Truth is, people always leave and we will have to deal with their loss. This will be your opportunity to see for yourself just how STRONG you are. Once you realize this, you won't be afraid to love again and again because you know you'll be fine in the end. Not to mean that people don't matter but to mean that you are complete and whole on your own and get through life happily.

4. It's normal to not want to see him with someone else. That stuff HURTS. At the end of the day though, he has his life and you have yours. You both have the right to go after fulfilling your needs and dreams.

I hope this helps you. Don't forget to be kind to yourself in this coming period.

All the best.