how do u get over young love
it has been 10 years. thoughts go away for months but subconsciously that person manifests in dreams. i didnt get closure. they were my first love, the only good thing at a time where my life was in ruins. i have tried everything to make it go away. i cant seem to like someone else and feel the way that i did then. we dont talk anymore and i still havent forgiven myself for it.
how do i get past this?
@twil08 The lack of closure makes this difficult. Especially when you seem to blame yourself for certain aspects of how things ended (if I'm reading this correctly). I think one thing to keep in mind is that first love is wholly unique and doesn't feel like love later in life. So to expect new relationships to mirror your previous experience is unrealistic. If you are simply trying to copy what you had before, you will be left unsatisfied. It sounds like the first step is working on forgiving yourself. I don't know how that will look because I don't know the details of the situation, but I think forgiving yourself will be the first step to letting go.
Also, the coming back in dreams experience sucks. I am happily married, but have occassionally found an ex that I almost married (who would have been an infinitely worse fit for me than my wife, in hindsight) show up in my dreams and the entire next day is thrown out of whack. So I definitely understand the conflict that arises with that. The important thing to remember is that they're just dreams. The subconscious works in bizarre ways and I couldn't begin to tell you why my ex showed up in my dreams at the time that they did.
@enbyemu thank you for your response! yeah it throws me out of balance when i do. is it horrible to ask for closure now? seems impossible to get it but...
i get that shes in a happy relationship now. i feel like she got what she deserved. shes straight, and if we did end up together there would have been guilt every day of it. i feel like i deserve someone who doesnt feel like being with me is wrong and something to be kept hidden.
that said i wish to find love thats intense even if it wasnt the same as the one we had.
@twil08 What kind of closure would you even want, though? Even if you reached out to her, my experience tells me that it's entirely likely that the conversation would not go as you imagined and would end without the closure you were hoping for.
