how to get over?
he's my first one, we've been dated for almost 5 years, and we just broke up a month ago, sometimes we still contact each other. he said he wants to be a better person, he doesn't want to cheat on me anymore. But the fact he just want to be free with his hobby (riding) and his friends. and he also getting close with some girl but he said it's just a friend. I know I have to let go, but how? I still believe that we still can be with each other. I'm so deprresed 
@Crystale
Dear, I've been there. If he's making you sad more than he's making you happy, and you just hang in there for good ol' times and doesn't want to accept inconsistencies in which he's been treating you lately (sometimes he's sweet and sometimes he's treating you like sh!t, cheating etc), then it's a toxic relationship.
You just can't let go 'cause your logic is blinded by your emotion and ego. Let me tell you one thing: it's not worth the drama.
If you let him go, and he does change, then fine. If he's making serious effort to be with you, such as undergoing a therapy to get rid of his toxic behavior, or setting a clear boundary between him and his suspicious girl friend, then ok, you can consider to be back. But if he doesn't change?
Stop watering the dead flower.
My advice would be to cease any contact with him. Block him, avoid him at all cost, until your heart heals. Don't go to places where you had good times with him. Change your room's environment, move furniture or paint it or something. Don't keep thinking about him--you have the power to do this. If your thoughts go to him, then change it. You can do this.
Stop overthinking, overanalyzing, or having what-ifs. You can and you should learn from your previous relationship IF and only if your heart has healed.
Give yourself some time. Go outside, meet new people, find new hobbies, volunteer and help people, read inspiring books, go to gym everyday--find any positive activities, anything, as long as it doesn't involve meeting him.
You will feel emptiness within your heart for quite some time and that's normal. You're gonna feel something is missing from your life and that's fine.
Work on building your new identities and self that is unrelated to him. It's no longer about "you both", it's about "you".
And when your heart has healed, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to look back and say, "Wtf? Why did I ever accept to be treated like sh!t?"
Well, at least that's what happened to me lol.
Good luck, dear. All the best for ya~
