idk what to do w this situation

this breakup has bothered me for too long. and i just wanna get over it and heal and move on.

it happened last year at the end of summer. i met up with guy thru bumble as we both were looking for fwb. we ended up getting along rlly well and had a lot of fun hanging out at bars, at clubs, etc. i remember the first night we met, after hooking up, he turned on the christmas lights on my balcony and around my swing chair. he held me sitting in the swing chair, and just stared at my eyes forever. he told me that he is actually from a wealthy celebrity type family. i felt shocked and saddened at the same time... bc i felt inferior to his social standing. so i turned my eyes away. he then told me he rented a huge serviced aprtment and asked me to move in with him. i declined and said i love my apartment. he then got up and looked at my place saying i didnt even have a kitchen. that was probs a red flag early on. we had different backgrounds and had different views about money and relationship expectations.

anyways, we kept hanging out and he was always considerate of my feelings (except money related feelings). he texted me a lot and said that he felt glad that covid happened and i stucked in my city with him, bc otherwise he wouldnt have met me. it was romantic, but at the same time i had been very anxious about covid and being stuck in that city with online school and not able to go to grad school for better career development....

i told him about these covid related worries, and he said he would help me with my career bc he has friends working in my dream industry. he could ask them to gimme referrals. and then he said we should both move back to his hometown and we'll both be happy. this was the fourth day i met him. he touched on my insecurities and fears and desires. so i was triggered and couldnt sleep. i went the psytriatrist next day and got an-anxiety meds for sleep. but still, it felt like a very intense experience bc i was a naive girl and couldnt believe this thing was actually happening to me. but i felt conflicted bc i didnt wanna reply on him, cuz if we break up, i'd be totally wrecked. so i declined again and said that was a lot of info for me to process and it was a big favor he was suggesting, there was nothing i could do to repay his favor. and even tho he said it was rlly small things to him, but then he said he wanted some alone time bc he's an introvert. i guess that was when he started to feel uncomfortable around me.... anyways, he invited to stay at his place the next weekend, and even tho i had classes in the evening, he said he could study with me. i knew our deal was fwb so i told him i was on my period. but he was just really nice and said if i couldnt drink wine, let him know, bc he got wine for us.

i met up with him outside his office, and he was all dressed up nicely. i was wearing t-shirt and skirt lol. he saw me, but weirdly he was acting super distant and cold. i tried to initiate body contact, but later on he told me not to touch him in public, he felt uncomfortable. the vibe was strange on our way to his place, and then when we arrived, he looked at me and looked away and commented so ugly. idk if he was indirectly talking about me, but i did feel self-conscious bc i was dressed not at my best. so then i bounced btw attending class and hanging out with him. he tried to cook food for me, but made mistake on the first step so i assumed he coudlnt cook and took over. later on he made more frozen seafood for the meal, but i didnt like seafood so i didnt eat any. he then showed me pictures of his friends, and they all looked good-looking, so i felt even worse and self-conscious. at some point i even said his friends look stupid. anyways, then he started showing me designer clothing brand and said i couldnt be his friend if i didnt know that brand. well it was expensive to me so why on earth would i know that. then he told me his old car and asked me google that brand. well i knew that famous brand and i felt he was treating me like an idiot so i told him, i feel uncomfortable when u keep flaunting your posessions. he got defensive immediately and clearly he was mad at me. but later on he calmed down and implied that he was just feeling insecure. anyways, i had a meeting at midnight and he waited for me. he prepared pajama and towel and stuff. so i thought we were all good again. i talked w him about my dreams and my childhood sadness. he told me about his trust issues. the next day, we parted ways and he still texted me nicely. even asking me to send picture of me having brunch w my friends. i thought this was going towards a relationship. and i thought that the disagreements were not substantial and can be talked thru. but then two days later, he suddenly told me he wanted some time alone and that i triggered something deep in him. i was scared and confused but i agreed to it. but then i ran into arguments and conflicts with my peers, and called him and cried for his support. i was not that polite bc i was rlly sad.... but he got really mad at me. and as i told him about my arguments w peers, he turned it all against me and blamed me for all sorts of things i told him. as if he was siding with those peers who didnt like me. it happened again a few days later (i kept running into arguments w peers), and he exploded. he blamed me for intruding into his alone time. and kept dumping negativity at him w/o caring how he felt. he accused me for raising the issue of him flaunting, and said that he treated me with so much care and he couldnt have possibly offended me, but i caused all these arguments btw us by blaming him out of blue. he didnt want to be around someone he had watch everythign he was saying, so he said he couldnt be with me anymore, and i should learn to respect people. but he would still listen to my problems if he has time, as someone who knows me. after that, he stopped talking with me.

i cried for two days. and decided to stuff my schedule with school and career things. i was working nonstop like crazy, and i sometimes even stayed up for two days working. so i didnt have to think about the breakup. a month later, i asked him how he had been. he didnt respond. then i was trying to looking into the career location he suggested, but realized it was not as good as he promised. so i asked him. he didnt respond either. so i realized that he was ghosting me and got mad and told him i dont fucking need that childish act in my life. i decided to get over him, so i travelled to an island resort by myself. i felt much better there and posted pictures on social media. then all of a sudden, he posted a social meida update saying send me your location, with a caption of central equity. he nvr posted anything on social media, and i noticed he also updated his background to that designer clothing brand he told me about. but at that time, i was still mad at him. and the post was not clearly directed at me anyways, so i also posted indirect passive aggressive things. then afterwards, my mental health went super downhill and my year long bipolar is going into a manic psychotic episode. i started to believe he was stalking me thru my phone and stuff. it was rlly bad. so i sent him i want to talk with you but in a passive aggressive way another month later. and he blocked me.... i realized that on christmas, bc i wanted to talk w him again. we were connected on three platforms and he blocked two. so i sent him a msg via the last msging platform. he didnt respond. a few days later, i got drunk and sent him a bunch angry texts, and called him an asshole. then next day, he blocked me there too. but then he unblocked another msg app, and said he felt sry for what happened but i was making him rlly uncomfortable, and asked me to stop what i was doing and move on. i tried to reply, but he blocked me again...... i was super confused and still going thru psychosis so i kept trying. msg went thru. he was again pushing me away, but cuz of psychosis i asked him if he hacked my phone and other stuff. and he was rlly confused and told me to call cops. anyways, i told him about my strange experience (psychosis but i didnt know), and apologized for suspecting him. then i asked him to stop blocking me for professional courtesy. he agreed. afterwards, i tried to chat w him but he was cold and not wanted to tell me anythign about his life. then i apologized to him for what happened and my shitty acts before. he said just let go. but he was still cold. so i tried to ask him questions about whether i should stay or move to my grad school city for long term. he downtalked my grad school city and said he would not work there bc it has no growth opportunities. then he talked nicely about his previously suggested place or the city where we met. then i told him about being bad at my job and not sure if i would have opportunity there. he comforted me and quoted someone lol. So I kinda feel like he maybe still cared about me and didn’t want me to leave. And afterawrds, I asked him for other advice and he would talk w me about them. I kept forgetting to thank him for giving me advice. Finally, I told him I was starting to see a therapist. I thought he would want that for me too. But he didn’t respond again.

Anyways, I feel really sad and bothered by this thing w him. I found it so hard to let go. I suspected that initally when he changed his attitude drastically, it could maybe bc he slept w another woman and didn’t wanna tell me or felt guilty for some reason. But I have no evidence. Otherwise, it's so hard to believe that he would suddely change attitude and start blaming me for everything and wanted to be distanced from me.

Honestly this thing has damaged my school performance and my mental health, so I don’t wanna deal with it anymore. I just wanna stop thinking about him but its so hard. I kept on auto ruminate and anlayze what went wrong. And also how much I liked him but didn’t express at all. And how I ve become pretty now and I hope he sees that im no longer ugly (I lost lots of weight bc busy schedule and my face is pretty much clear of acne scars). Anyways, I don’t know how to let go. I wanna save this relatinship bc we had a nice connection but idk how. I really want to fix things… but he is so cold these days………

Idk what to do. i really dont.....