she asked for space & i finally am givin it to her
we broke up last october but immediately became friends , practically were kinda dating but without the titles. last sunday, she tells me she’s burn out and she needs space. she didn’t know it’s affecting me this much bc i misunderstood something. after no contact for 3 days i reached out to her about if she’s okay, she tells me it’s not my responsibility to worry about her so please don’t , and won’t respond after this. i told her i respect & accept her decision and will give all the space she needs. i’m working on myself in the meantime. she never responded back. does this mean we could not be friends anymore? i js wanna save our friendship it’s the only thing that keeps me going. is she ready to lose me for good? what does this mean?
Being burnt out is hard, and it is also hard when your friends just don't have energy to be around or talk. And it's only been about a week, burnout can last a long while. And it hurts but maybe she's avoiding saying she doesn't want to talk to you anymore, but if that isn't the case, just check up on her, but not too often yk? Try not to guilt anyone, including yourself. Maybe she'll need your help in recovering from burnout, maybe she wont. Good luck, stay safe out there!
OK if people tell you:
“THEY NEED SPACE!”
It means they need to be alone, to explore the other parts of themselves outside of their [relationships], who they are without their partners. It’s their way of telling you they want their identity to be more than just their relationship. People need balanced lives with friends, family, work, time alone occasionally also to think and feel independently, so that their minds and hearts are not constantly crowded by everyone and everything all the time!
When you say “ITS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME GOING!” This usually reflects “Dependency” - that is you might be overly reliant on her company, investing too much of yourself in the [friendship/relationship]. If you felt that you NEEDED the friendship in order to be happy, then this [might] make her feel like you are too attached to her, that you constantly NEED to be around her, if she is the only thing that makes you happy then it’s like she has become a crutch in your life that you lean on. Those feelings of dependency probably led to her feeling crowded by your friendship, which led to her “needing space”. And she possibly doesn’t think that you’re able to just be friends without relying on her company to make you happy, which is why she might be avoiding contact with you going forward.
When we love ourselves, and think that the purpose of our lives is to understand ourselves, and explore our own identity, our own goals and desires, we become empowered passionate people that others are naturally drawn to. But if we are comfortable in our own identities we do not NEED others to be drawn to us, we do not not depend on their company to be happy.
But if instead we think we are “incomplete” unless someone [else] loves us, a partner or a friend etc., then we will spend our lives looking for that person to “complete” us. We will organise our lives around that person (instead of around ourselves). We will “use” people and their company to fill the empty parts of us that we perceive in ourselves and they will eventually feel crowded by our company! And we might not like to think that we are “using” people, but if we are only texting them constantly or hanging out with them because we are bored, or lonely, or depressed, or hate being by ourselves, then we are not really enriching their lives in any positive way that extends beyond our own needs and fears.
Other people can only make you feel less alone. They can NEVER be a solution to “LONELINESS”. For that, you need to love and appreciate your own company. The answer to loneliness is to love who you are when no one else is around.
I hope that gives you something to think about! ^^ All the best on your journey!
CatsInTheCradle
@skyisblue21,
it means what she said, she needs space.
If she wants to reach out, she will. If she doesn't want to reach out, she won't.
Respect her request and leave her alone.