Maintaining Old, Rickety Friendships

Hello~ I'm Junipero, new to this community but known about 7Cups for many years now.

I'm 35 and have been working on my mental health recovery for about a decade now (it takes time, always give yourself time <3 ); and I've noticed that with my progress, friendship has gotten easier for me to find. BUT... ugh, still a struggle to maintain, but that's also gotten a little easier.

However, I've noticed that my oldest friendship is struggling a lot. My bestest friend of 20+ years - she and I have grown apart over time as she remains as she's been most of her life, and my journey has changed my outlooks and how I manage myself in the world. It's made some tension between us, and we're finding that we don't connect on many things anymore.

It scares me, but I also know that some part of it is natural. We're adults, we're reaching middle age; she also maintains a very different kind of bubble that she uses to navigate the world than I do. My boundaries around certain topics and activities have also changed, and that has caused upset for her where in the past I'd normally be much more agreeable and, well... fawning. Now I say no a lot, I resist and walk away from certain conversations and behaviors that are manipulative and/or emotionally hurtful, which has rocked the boat of our old foundations.

We still trigger each other from time to time, and so I keep some distance in order to breathe and not get sucked in to old dynamics that hurt us both. But it's heartbreaking that we have to do this, you know?

I also live in a different city, and I have other friend circles I navigate, grow, and explore. I have the most friends now than I've ever had in my life, and these friendships all serve different purposes and exist in different spheres. They bring me a lot of joy as my energy for social interactions grows. Then there's just me and my bestie, and I realize that world is really small for her, and mine is getting bigger.

I feel like I'm outgrowing something? If that makes sense? I don't want to outgrow the friendship - I'd like to preserve it, but I'm just not sure how. I hope to find a way, because she is like a soulmate to me. I don't ever not want her a part of my life.