Acceptance.

I wanted to feel free of the 'feelings' as I felt they ruled me. After having traumas regarding relationship, I had just willingly never accepted anyone in my life, until I found the need to accept. I learnt a beautiful word today and that is acceptance. Acceptance of who I am and acceptance of everything around me. I met a guy who I found the need to let in. I would term it as wanting to feel heard and wanting to feel loved. We talked, turned out we both had similar situations in life. We felt nice talking to each other. So one day we had a miscommunication. And for the next entire day I got ghosted and I honestly felt really bad. Different time zones, different areas, we haven't even met and I still craved for his attention. I don't even know what his last name is! I let my trust on someone I don't even know! You may think of me as a creep but this is how I felt at the current situation. I feel blessed for what happened. I now realise how much I needed to accept my own self. My own words, my own thoughts. It's literally 0.000000000001% that he might see this but am I ashamed? NOPE. It is just how I felt. How much I needed to fill the inner void I hold. How much I desparately needed to be heard. Sometimes we have such relationship that either make you feel bad make you feel worthless maybe sometimes even not deserving of love. But why not looking at the true YOU and not the YOU caused by separation? Now this is where acceptance takes place. We get involved with someone in our life's so much that we don't want to think about how it would be without them. The worst part we just don't bother to ask ourselves 'how do I feel today?' . You should NEVER not love yourself first. Ask yourself 'do I love myself enough today?' if not don't beat yourself. Just be open to those feelings and let it flow. I know I'm not the only one facing this. This indescribable emotion that I felt, it is part of the learning process. It about learning how to live your life even without having an emotional support. It's about being with someone and the someone should be called 'you'. Sometimes you do need to ask yourself but if you forgot let me ask you this question 'how are YOU today?'