Being caught in the middle between friends
Hey all,
So I have a couple people in my life whom I care about. Like all of us, including myself, these individuals are both flawed and have their own struggles. Unfortunately, there was an event last night that may have ended their friendship going forward. I can't even say it was a one-off, but a release of years' worth of frustration (among other things).
These things *do* in happen in life, and what makes it equally complicated for me going forward is that I will (presumably) continue to be friends with both of these people.
However, I know I also need to recognize my own needs and boundaries, and I can see this has being a potentially tricky situation. Ideally for me, both of these individual friendships would remain isolated and intact--without attempts by either person to sway my feelings or bring up their past issues, which I thankfully was never a part of.
*sigh* I do realize that people (and relationships of all kinds) are complicated as a general rule. And it's really going to be interesting for me going forward how these friendships proceed. As I said before, I'm thinking out loud here and thinking that I will need to be extra cognizant of myself, my self-care, and my boundaries.
Have any of you ever been in a situation similar to something like this?
@sereneSunset26
@sereneSunset26
Hi! I see it has been a couple of weeks, have you found any answers or insights into this?
It sounds like you care about each of these friends, but they had a disagreement of some sort and are no longer friends. This puts you into a difficult spot in the middle of them. It sounds like you are happy to remain friends with each, but are worried about how that will work in the reality.
I assume they will want to vent to you at some point, and might even have expectations of your sole loyalty. I would try to just be a good listener, and empathise with their feelings, but not take it on board so that it affects your friendship with the other. When people feel emotional they often vent and say things that are not reasonable or true. It is just venting emotion.
If they say things you are not comfortable hearing or ask questions you don't want to answer, I would empathise with their need to talk but state that you don't feel comfortable with that specific topic because you know the other person, and encourage them to find another source of support, or some other way of working through their emotion. I like to encourage people to talk with a neutral party - an unrelated acquaintance, counsellor, helpline, or 7 cups listener, because that way they are not triangulating or gossiping - two things that tend to make situations worse in the long term.
Good luck! 💛