Coping with nagging
Me and my wife of 10 years are incredibly busy. I work away from home alot and she has her own business and our 3 year old at home. She has stated for awhile that I did not listen when she tried talking to me. So I slowed down and really started to focus and listen to what she says. Stop what I'm doing, full eye contact truly listen. Now that I'm listening to her, she is mean, complains about the littlest things that I do "wrong". Example; I come home from 2 weeks of working in another state and I tell her I want to spend time with our little girl at home and that she can go have "me" time or whatever she wants, I dont care what she does, just whatever. So when she gets home I have the house cleaned, I vacuumed, mopped, laundry, toilets... I mean I cleaned! And was cooking dinner when she walks in, me and daughter blaring music dancing in the kitchen, having a good time. She starts telling me how I was cooking spaghetti wrong, which I know how to cook. So I say nothing, stepped outside, drank a beer and came back in to them both eating my incorrect spaghetti. Before when I wasn't listening, I didnt really care what she complained about or how she said it. Now that I'm listening I'm having a hard time even being around her. How do I listen and not be emotionally effected?
Although I’m not a marriage expert. And I can only see what has been presented, I think that you should express what you’re feeling to her. You seem like a very understanding and caring guy to put the energy into actually listening to what she’s trying to say. Which she should be grateful for. Or maybe you could take her on a date and ask her to make spaghetti with you or have a competition and y’all could both make spaghetti and everyone tries it to see who’s is the best. Or if you want to be petty, every time she complains, you complain back. But that is very tit for tat and isn’t going to build me anything good in the long term. Maybe think about going to relationship counseling, even if just by yourself to get a better understanding of how you can work through this. Also, I’m pretty sure you’re spaghetti was the bomb.
Yeah tit for tat for sure doenst work. I love going on dates with her. She use to be my person, but she works or needs "me" time whenever I come home for working, which is understandable. She has our 3 year old all day everyday till I come home for days off. I think you might be right about the counseling by myself, cause i have laid out what bothers me and even listed how I would like things to change and it will be easier to just change myself for the sake of the relationship.