Dealing with angry husband
This has been a pattern, today is not the first day.
It's my birthday, I woke up before my husband did and asked the kids to clean up the loving room since they did not do it last night (was a wreck). My husband comes out to the living room and this is what plays out...
H:you're never up before me, what are you doing up
M: I couldn't sleep and I could hear the kids were up and the dogs needed to go out so I got up and made us coffee.
H: oh... okay then
H: What kind of donuts do you want?
M: They only have 2 kinds I think, vanilla and chocolate
H:okay
H: what flavor do you want then?
M: chocolate, I don't like vanilla (I guess I shouldn't have assumed he would know? But we've been together 8 years now, I never eat vanilla)
H: okay then...
At this point he storms out of the room, slams the hallway door, slams the bedroom door and I can hear him throwing his things around in the bathroom.
I make both our cups of coffee and take him his. Which he then snatches out of my hand.
I continue to wash my face, then walk back out as he's walking in from starting the car. And give him a hug
M: did I say or do something wrong? You seem upset?
H: I'm fine! You seemed upset!
M: I was just trying to get the kids to clean up the living room.
H: Okay
M: I'm sorry if I didn't react correctly, I didn't mean to come off as upset. I don't want it to be like this. It's not even 10am.
I am now starting to tear up, this is not how I wanted my birthday to go or start off...
He then gets even more mad, slams the hallway door open, yells at the kids to get the living room cleaned up right now and is yelling them out of their room.
I HATE a hostile household.. I grew up in one and so did he.
Slamming doors and yelling is something I try to avoid with every ounce of my being because is scares me, the level of uncontrollable behavior to be that mad.
I now go into the bedroom by myself and just wait. I'm now balling and know that this will make his anger worse and am scared to let him see me, so I'm trying to hurry up and get my emotions under control before he comes in.
My question is:
How should I handle his anger flying off the handle like this?
Did I do or say something wrong in this situation?
Hey! I am so sorry to hear about your family situations.
Happy Birthday to you! May you be blessed with a peaceful household this year.
I can suggest couple therapy if that's something you and your husband are comfortable doing. A simple heart felt conversation may help too.
Anyway I hope you feel better. Please try to be uplifted in the difficult situations and enjoy as much as you can with the kids.
@loyalPear6645 I'm so sorry. I agree with the suggestion of couples therapy and even considering if this is a safe relationship for you if couples therapy does not help. You do not deserve to be treated like that, and also the kids do not deserve to be treated that way. It sounds like you were better at trying to get them to clean in a kind but firm way; yelling at them can cause them a lot of anxiety and confidence problems later in life.
I understand the situation. The way I deal with an angry husband is to remember that sometimes his anger is unreasonable and so I try not to blame myself. I think sometimes people can’t deal with sadness so they show anger instead. Try to think about other people who are nice to you and do not regularly get angry at you. I think that can help you to boost your self esteem and realize that his anger is ‘his problem’ and not something you can really have too much control over.
Also, I guess the other suggestion, marriage counseling, is also a good idea.
He needs anger management, don't blame yourself. Happy birthday, I hope you managed to salvage an okay day in the end.
