How can you make yourself to accept a break up and not being anxious about how he continues life?

I was in a 6-year relationship, and I honestly feel like I'm breaking inside trying to understand what was real and what wasn't.

Whenever I tried to explain that I felt hurt, disconnected, or insecure, the conversation almost always turned into a discussion of how I was "too much," "jealous," "dramatic," or "creating problems." Instead of leaving those conversations feeling understood, I usually left feeling like my emotions were the problem.

What makes this so confusing is that I don't feel like my anxiety appeared out of nowhere. It grew over years of feeling emotionally neglected.

One of the biggest things was that our relationship was a secret for all six years.

His explanation was that one of our mutual friends is also my ex-boyfriend, and he wanted to be the one to tell him himself. He kept saying he was waiting for the "right time."

I understood you wanted to handle that conversation yourself at the start. If this had lasted a few months, I probably wouldn't have thought much of it.

But six years passed, and the "right time" never came.

We weren't married. We didn't have children. My previous relationship had been over for years and there was nothing left there. Yet somehow our relationship still couldn't exist openly.

After six years, it stopped feeling like "I'm waiting for the right moment" and started feeling like I was being hidden.

Whether that was his intention or not, that's how it felt to me. It made me question my place in his life and slowly damaged my sense of security.

Early in our relationship, something happened that completely broke my trust. He continued spending time with his ex, even after I told him how much it hurt me. They went to the beach together, had lunch together, and he even re-followed her on social media after I had already explained how painful that was for me. I never got a genuine apology. I was expected to move on, while I was left wondering why my feelings weren't important enough for him to change his behavior.

As the years went on, there were so many smaller moments that kept reinforcing those feelings.

He would suddenly tell me he was already in another city or already out with friends after we'd been texting all day, instead of mentioning his plans beforehand. It happened enough that I stopped feeling like I was naturally included in his life.

Whenever I brought this up, I wasn't asking him to ask permission to go anywhere. I just wanted to feel like his partner instead of someone who found out after everything had already been decided.

When we were together, he was often emotionally unavailable. Sometimes he'd spend our time on his phone, say he was tired, fall asleep, or simply not engage with me. If I said I felt distant from him, he'd often tell me he couldn't deal with the conversation "right now."

One moment that really broke me happened just before we ended things.

He invited me over to his apartment before football because he wanted to see me. I rushed there because I was excited to spend time together. But when I arrived, he lay down on another bed, barely talked to me, spent time on his phone, and kept saying he didn't feel well.

I told him I felt so emotionally distant from him and that I really needed some reassurance—a hug, a kiss, even just hearing "I love you." I wasn't asking for a grand gesture. I just wanted to feel close to him.

Instead, nothing happened.

A while later, the first thing he asked me was whether I would go buy him a toast because he was hungry.

I said no.

Not because I didn't care that he felt unwell, but because after years of putting my own emotional needs aside, I couldn't ignore them one more time. I needed, for once, for my need to matter too.

The argument ended with him calling me selfish because I wouldn't buy him food while he felt sick. From my perspective, I'd spent years feeling like every time I needed comfort, reassurance, affection, or emotional presence, there was always a reason why it couldn't happen right now.

Whenever I cried, he rarely comforted me. More often, he became frustrated, withdrew, or told me we were simply incompatible.

From his perspective, I'm exhausting. I'm too emotional. I create conflict. I don't appreciate what he does. He says a relationship should bring peace, and that I'm the reason it doesn't.

From my perspective, I spent years fighting for what felt like basic emotional connection: communication, reassurance, affection, and feeling chosen.

Now I'm left wondering if I really was impossible to love, or if I slowly became anxious because I spent years feeling emotionally unsafe.

I know I wasn't perfect. I know I became reactive, emotional, and sometimes suspicious.

But I genuinely believe those reactions came after years of feeling hidden, emotionally dismissed, and constantly having my needs postponed.

Now it's over, because he cannot put up with my *** and nagging. He also said that relationship should make your life better, and healthier and that's true, but he never did those things with me, what a hypocrite.

And I'm grieving not only the relationship, but also questioning my own reality.

Was I actually asking for too much?

I'd really appreciate honest outside perspectives because right now I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

tl;dr I think my boyfriend has been *** to me, but I can't let go because I keep thinking he will find someone who will make the happiest and be the ideal boyfriend. That affects my health so much and I can't understand why.