How do I cope with ldr withdrawal?
My boyfriend and I (22F) have been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half. He's my first boyfriend and I'd feel really lucky to have him as a lifelong partner. When we first became friends online, I found we had a lot in common, and we would video chat almost every day. It was hard not to fall for him. We were the same person.
Fast forward to now, I just graduated uni, and he landed an internship. We're both trying our best to establish ourselves in our careers, and this has led to some tension. We don't skype each other much anymore, except to sleep. He's become so busy and invested in his work and in establishing relationships with his intern friends and bosses, that we cant seem to find time for ourselves. When we do skype, he waits until the last minute before he knocks out to call. I want to have a conversation with him, I want to talk about each other's day, and I want to see his face. Our text messages have become more sparse, though I know he frequently messages/sends snaps to his intern friends. I'm really glad that he's putting himself out there and finding people he's comfortable with, but I feel like the lowest priority.
We visit each other about once a month. When I'm with him, I'm completely at ease; but the moment we're apart, I feel anxious and depressed and I cry way too much. I don't really know how to cope with the distance, much less the lack of attention.
@maesunbae
Hi there,
Know you are not alone. That is a tough situation alone, and on top of that all the uniquenesses sometimes make one feel you are the only one going through it. It hurts and it hurts bad, I can't sugar coat it. I've been through it twice.
It hurts when you open up to someone and like them. It hurts when routines and situations change. It hurts when you find out you aren't the most important thing to them. This pain is ok and it's a sign we are human.
The question then becomes what are you going to do about it. Are you going to continue the pain of trying to go for the person with uncertainty? Keep going on the roller coaster where you feel low all the time, and high the few times you get to talk. Are you going to put it on break and see what comes in the future? Are you going to put an end to this now and throw an ultimatum.
With my first one I did the last one and revert it. Now she won't talk to me and we are done. There is no back tracking and establishing connections later when situations may have changed. The second time I have left things hanging in the hope that it will work out better, though I must admit it is hard to not message the person ,(I saw her as a sibling she though I had a romantic connection), it's definitely harder than the first, but hope still lingers that we might be able to reconnect when things calm down and as we both grow. I've also taken these two situations to reflect on how I can improve and make myself attractive to people I am with.
The thing is, especially with guys, until they are settled, secure and able to provide, they are not willing to make the commitment and will bide time this may be in the form of not telling you but trying to make the connections and stability for you.
It is hard to go through this and to feel so alone. This is something everyone goes through. If in all honesty as much hurt and all, it can be a good thing. It helps one understand what you want (it sounds like you want consistency, loyalty among other things), and establish be boundaries what you will put up with or not, what you will and won't share, how fast you open up, what people need to do to open you up (people do enjoy challenges and rewards, but it's also a balance as to where how to do it and how much). If there's anything that has helped me understand and redirect myself, it's been the YouTube of relationship coach Matthew Hussey. It has a lot of tidbits of wisdom and the way he delivers it is amazing . Ultimately though the choice is up to you and what you see and want to see. I hope this all has been helpful, and I hope that you find your way forward to someone who treats you right. Someone treating you right starts by you treating yourself right and having standards for guys. Feel free to continue the conversation if you would like or find it helpful but those are my thoughts on the matter.
