How do you gain trust back?
How do you trust someone after catching them repeatedly in lies? When you have to put evidence in their face before they will admit to it? They say they want to change, you know they love you but they can't seem to quit this addiction. How do you move forward?
yes it takes time to with trust in others for i can agree
but trust has to be erned in others who have done wrong
and if pepole cant trust in you than thay cant trus themselfs
@LeoDoseSpiritulHealing I am trying very hard to start to believing in my partner again. I know there is a lot of love there for and from the both of us. But after months and months of being lied to I find myself just assuming anything he says is a lie. I don't want to think that way. He says he'd to anything to gain my trust back but I have no clue how he can
it takes itme for trus to billed take littel steps
@LeoDoseSpiritulHealing what steps can I take? How do I do it?
well i no talking is 1
going fotr a walk together is a good start
Please let me know what i can do to regain trust since it is making me depressed day by day.
I believe that trust and respect are 2 of the hardest things to gain back. It can be done but it takes a lot of commitment from both sides to accept the mistakes made and be happy to move on. Once this is done I find that only time is a healer.
Just my 10 cents
Here's my two cents. I am in this situation but I am the person who has to win back the trust. I didn't cheat on my boyfriend, but I was deceitful about, honestly, stupid things. I would hide and lie to him about small things for a variety of reasons (scared to tell him, ashamed of my past or actions, desire to be perfect in his eyes, not wanting him to get too close, etc). I'm trying earnestly to build trust back which is why I'm here. One thing that I know helps my boyfriend, is for me to open up and tell him stories about my past or things I would normally avoid talking to him about. It has been very difficult and oftentimes it takes me a while to get the guts to say these things. But I've started out small and it helps him see who I am more and it shows him that I'm trying to put in the work to be better. It does take time, and you should also take the time to think about what it is that you want. I've repeatedly told my boyfriend to think about his feelings, honor his feelings, honor what he thinks is best for him, and do that. I can only work on myself and try to be better and show him I'm willing to work on me to fix us. It is still his decision, and regardless I will always love him and if we were to end I know that I at least tried everything, and hope that maybe in a future time he would want me back.
@MandaKatherine
People often talk about trust as a "feeling" that they have for someone. It's a little bit like "faith", which most people envision as being some kind of mysterious bond that is hard to describe. As long as you think of trust in these abstract frames, its hard to understand how to make it work in a relationship. It's not to say that trust isn't a feeling (because it is) - it's simply to say that conceiving of trust as a feeling is not effective for the purposes of developing trust in a relationship.
Rather, you might want to think about trust in terms of BEHAVIOUR. Usually CONSISTENT behaviours is what generates trust. But behaviours can be either healthy or unhealthy. If a person constantly lies and cheats, it might be said that you "trust" that person to lie and cheat. The same way you might "trust" that a rabid dog will try to bite you; the same way you might "trust" a rain cloud to rain. It's because of their consistency of results proven over time, that you develop a sense of trust, but the result that actually inspires the trust is consistent BEHAVIOUR.
When you "Lose trust" in a partner - What's really happening is that your "trust" isn't lost. Instead the consistent [negative] behaviours exhibited by your partner is what now earns the trust, because consistent behaviours is what inspires trust! When we talk about "earning people's trust" we usually think that we have inspired that mystifying emotional bond in them - but how we DO it is performatively through our behaviours; by consistently displaying [positive] behaviours that shows the other person that we can be relied upon to behave in a certain desirable fashion, time & time again.
If you want to trust your partner; and if they want to inspire trust in you - you both need to come up with some behavioural guidelines that you feel are positive behaviours, and they need to consistently conduct themselves accordingly. But you'll be relying on them to change their behaviours - And for some people it might be like trying to convince the rain cloud not to rain. Choose carefully who you place your trust in. It's a mistake to think everyone is deserving.