How to support your Partner with Past Relationship Abuse

(TW: Mentions of abuse)

One of the most difficult tasks in a relationship can be helping your partner or significant other heal from a previous abusive relationship. You may feel not sure how to comfort them and support them and may find it having an impact on your current relationship.

I have summarized some tips for helping your partner heal from relationship abuse. However, the impacts of abuse can be different for everyone so you may find some tips more helpful than other

Also, It is important to know that the recovery journey will have its up and downs and that the healing is not linear for your partner. The goal is not to fix them, but to support them on their recovery journey.

-Educate yourself

Educating yourself about abusive relationships, the different types of abuse and the impacts of experiencing it can may help you understand your partner and empathize with them better. Having experienced an abusive relationship in the past can have lots of impacts on your mind, body and soul.

Relationship abuse can destroy someones self-confidence, have a negative impact on their health and wellbeing and leave them feeling isolated, lonely or depressed.

Depression, suicide attempts, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) , and behavioral and emotional difficulties can occur as a result of being abused. However, everyone copes with the trauma differently! The effects and symptoms can be various from person to person. If you want to educate yourself a bit more about it, you can definitely check articles in the internet or educate yourself by visiting a help center near your location.

-Validation

Abuse can make people feel really ashamed and like it was their fault. They may feel embarrassed and guilty about what happened to them. Because of that, Validation is very important in the relationship. You can validate your partner s feelings by telling them that their emotions are okay and that the abuse was not their fault and reassure them that they are not alone in this. You can tell them that you believe them and that they have every right to feel these emotions.

-Be there for them & listen

Survivors of relationship abuse often have experienced that other people told them not to overreact or that it wasn t that bad and have been stigmatized.

It is definitely important to let them know that their experience is important to you and that you care about their wellbeing and are there to listen to them, even if it means them telling you the same thing a thousand times over if it makes them feel relieved.. Talking about it and venting is a very important part of the healing process. However, you may find your partner not opening up to you right away and that is okay. You should definitely keep in mind not to pressure them to open up and give them time as they may feel scared opening up or are scared of your reaction. In that case you can tell them that you do not pressure them to open up, but that you deeply care about them and are there for them anytime if they want to talk. This could make your partner feel a lot more comfortable and safe.

-Be patient & respectful

like i mentioned above, the healing process is not linear. You and your partner will have up and downs. Recovering from trauma can take lots of time and requires patience.

If your partner has experienced relationship abuse in the past, you may find them being uncomfortable in some situations. For example, if they have experienced sexual abuse, they may do not find themselves feeling comfortable if they get touched suddenly. Or if they have experienced physical abuse, they may get scared easily if you raise your hand or touch them aggressively.

It is definitely important to communicate with your partner and ask them what they feel comfortable with and what not (or what triggers them) and respect these boundaries always.

-Offer professional support

If you see that the trauma of your partner tends to get worse or keeps on having a big impact on their mental health, you can also encourage them to seek professional help, such as therapy. If they happen to try out therapy, they may be able to talk through their emotions and learn some coping methods (grounding, meditation etc.) You can also suggest them to seek professional support together if you being around makes them feel more comfortable.

However, if your partner does not want to seek professional help (whatever the reason may be) it is definitely important to also not pressure them here. They decide what they feel comfortable with and what not.

These are the main points I have summarized. Having experienced abuse can be different for anyone and have different symptoms. Maybe your partner has some other coping methods or wants you to support them differently, what is absolutely okay. And it can take time finding out what fits your partner best, and it may not work out right away.