Tired of Being Second
Hello everyone i come today seeking advice im having some trouble in relationship and i dont know how to talk to my boyfriend about it. Ive been in a relationship dor a year now and things have been going great except for the past couple months it seems my boyfriend wants to hang with his friends and spend time with them more then me, i try and spend time with him but all I get his im tired or some other excuse but yet his friends call and he goes right out. I dont know what to do i dont want to keep coming in second to his friends i love him i do but its not fair to me and he tells me i dont come second im first but i just dont see what do i do?
@AshesofthePhoenix
Feeling like we are competeing for the affections and time of our partners can make one a little uncomfortable, anxious, and even jealous, which is completely understandable. I know it's hard to talk about subjects like these with a significant other, as it may sound awkward, dramatic, or nagging, but he is the expert on himself and only he can tell you what he's really feeling and why he may be spending more time with his friends. There could be multiple reasons for his behaviour, and communication is key in a healthy and happy relationship. Maybe even just having a light conversation about what he finds fun and what he wants to do as an activity in general; then you could suggest doing that together or so. Some questions to ask may be: What does he do with his friends that is so fun? What have we been doing/what do we generally do together? Are we satisfied with those activities? Has any other behaviour in the relationship changed?
Of course he can and should spend time with his friends as the other reply says, but it's true that not balancing the time between them and you can feel unfair to either party. I agree it would be the most beneficial communicated with him how you feel in some way or other as already suggested by Escobar, but you are totally fine in having this doubts and worries and it is not 'clearly a misinterpretation'. Only you and your partner can make such assumptions about your relationship in any case.
@WildUnknown Well said! I completely agree
When i do try and talk to him he makes seem like im the crazy one and that im making it up which isnt true. I know he loves me its just difficult.
@AshesofthePhoenix Have you confronted him about it? Like, have you guys recently sat down and actually had a chat about how you don't like being second to his friends? Communication is key to a successful relationship, but perhaps, giving him some space to spend time with his friends is a good thing. People often lose contact with their friends because of relationships, and maybe he's trying to make sure that doesn't happen. These are just things I'd ask and think, not advice. But, good luck with it!
Thank you all for insight, advice and suggestions I really appreciate it.
@AshesofthePhoenix
I think it would be important to evaluate how much time he spends with you and how much time he spends with his friends. Sometimes we want more time from our partners than they are willing to give. Its not because they are not making us and our relationship a priority, its because they have a full life they want to balance and coninute living- work, school, friends, family, etc. Some weeks he may want to spend more time with his friends and family (maybe sports playoffs, important holidays, etc). You have to figure out if youre ok with that, if you need more time with your partner and your partner doesnt have it then maybe you are looking for someone with less committments.
