Why can

One day you were walking down the hallway, talking to your friends about something that happened in class while laughing your face off so much that it turnt red. Then the closer you and your group got to me the more I realised just how long I was staring and admiring you. I didnt think much of it until your joyous face kept on popping back into my mind - then I realised it was the only thing I could think about. It hit me that something had changed in me. Did I like you? Wasnt clear yet, but I couldnt think of you the same way after that.

Later on the day, you came up to me and high fived me and teased me like you normally did. This time I awkwardly laughed and blushed insteadof my normally witty answer. I think you noticed something was off but didnt pay much attention.

Everyday small things that were normal for us as friends started to mean more then usual for me. The daily text made my face light up and suddenly and spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking for the perfect response. The way you offered to do stuff for me made me feel flattered and special. It all made sense now. I was really in love with you.

I dont know how it happened - or even what I was gonna do with these newly found feelings, but for some reason I felt like I had something to look forward to now. It was a good feeling, kinda like when you see a flower bloom for the first time in spring. This wasnt the first time I liked you, but since Ive known you for so long with it leading no where I kinda just kept it hidden even from myself after a failed confession. And I didnt mind because in my head I never had a chance.

But the floaty, new feeling went away when all of a sudden - I had a chance. The problem? So did another girl. Let me rewind a bit.

The day I realised I had a chance was when you nervously came up to me as stuttered a bit. You were trying your best to impress me the whole time - a lot more obviously then you probably thought. Then like usual, you offered to come with me to do something. And as we were going down the stairs, I almost tripped and you held my hand. But instead of letting it go, you held onto it the whole time.

When I got home, you sent me the daily text like usual too. But as I carefully read through our conversations, I realised how much you care about me and my opinions. You would always ask me what I think you should do, if I was okay, and once you even asked me for which shampoo you should use - which Ill admit, was really funny.

I thought that this was great until I opened my phone after it buzzed thinking it was you, but instead my friend sent me a long paragraph. Instantly getting worried about her, I opened it. Then as I scrolled down reading, my heart broke a little bit more after every line. As dramatic as it seems, her telling me that she liked you, and explaining the same happy feeling I had and mentioning all the things you do that made her feel like you like her back, it all made me feel the same as when I thought I had no chance. If you were treating another girl like that - then was I really important to you?

Somehow, it was almost like a small completion between me and her. I had told her that I like you too and we starting getting closer after that because we were the only ones who knew about eachothers crush. Even if we were close though, we still wanted to have you. So we both said that we would tell you that we like you, and no matter what your response was wed be happy for eachother.

We played a game of truth or dare, and on truth I told you that I like you. After silently freaking out and dying a bit, I got a response. I had said I know you dont like me back and its okay - I hope we can still be friends to which you replied to with how do you know that I dont like you? Lets talk about it tomorrow..

Now this is when I was smiling the biggest smile Ive ever had. I wasnt sure if she had said she liked you yet or not - but the fact that you hinted that you liked me was all I needed. I instantly thought about all the Romantic things that would happen and I dreamt peacefully at night.

When the next day rolled by, I wore my nicest outfit and I was excited. Then when I saw you in the hallway waiting for you to approach me I got nervous - but then you passed me right by. I was a bit disappointed but still had hope. Then after you did this again, and again, and again - I gave up. A whole week past with no conversation you had promised for and I had to suffer seeing you being so happy and normal when I was breaking apart.

I decided to text you about it to get an answer, then you simply said I like you and (friends name) too but I dont want to date anyone right now. I sighed, and even though I hurt - I expected it.

I gave up on you. I crossed out the possibility of us ever being together. But I never really stopped liking you. We became close friends again with me still hiding my feelings and then one day you told me you had a girlfriend. It was only a month after you said you didnt want to date.

Now everyday you tell me about the issues you guys have and how it doesnt feel right. You also said you wish you could just date someone who would treat you in a good way. And everyday I have to listen about a girl that got you but treats you badly when I tried my best to be good to you yet you chose her.

I guess thats just how it works.

But the one real question I have after all of this is - why cant I get over someone I never had?