socially challenged

I know I shouldn't care but it bugs me how I'm 20 & I've never been on a date. I'm proud to be single by choice & have the self-respect to wait for someone worth dating but it bugs me how I'm always in the friend zone w/ decent guys & only creeps & stalkers like me. I don't wanna lower my standards because I know there are guys out there who are good enough for me. They just don't see me as relationship material. I have social anxiety & borderline autism & my confidence is in the toilet lol. I'm ok w/ not going on a date now. I'm willing to wait. I have some awesome friends & family & I live in a really cool city. But I just wanna know it can happen for me. I keep tying to convince myself dating is a waste of time & an emotional roller coaster I don't need (& it usually is) but I see other people in relationships & want that kind of special companionship. My job search isn't going great & I realize this 100% career girl lifestyle is lonely & depressing & worse for my self-esteem than a bf who calls you ugly lol. My career is still really important to me but it's not as fulfilling as it's talked up to be. I wanna feel like more than a piece of paper. I wanna feel loved for me. I wanna feel good enough for once & have a part of my life where I don't need to hide my quirks & insecurities. Right now that's my friends but we're all busy, some are graduating soon ect. I wish I had someone as eager as I am w/ them. I'm supper needy & attached w/ my friends & they say don't worry about it but I do feel like they still think it's annoying & they're just there for me because they're good friends & know I'm lonely. I have some friends who we're mutually super close almost like a relationship but then when something big happens in their lives or they start an actual relationship they have less time for me. They still make time but I still don't get to spend as much time w/ friends as I'd like. I know most people spend more time w/ friends they also do professional or student org stuff w/ but there's kinda this vibe that no one wants to be there & I can't let lose around people I know from situations where there are stakes outside my social life. I'm tying to tell myself I'm just going through a rough patch & I don't really care about boys but I know I'm kidding myself. I want an important part of my life where I'm loved for me & not just seen as an investment. I've been bullies & hurt a lot my whole life so I never thought I'd willingly want to get to close to anyone but now that I have some really supportive friends & I know what that feels like my whole reason for putting 100% into my career & telling myself I don't want a relationship is gone. But now I feel unlovable. I happy w/ my looks, my brains ect & I can't help thinking the only issue is that I have autism & social anxiety. I'm working only the anxiety which is mostly about being self-conscious about my autism. I know it's not all bad & there are a lotta positives too but I am frustrated that my awkwardness might end me up alone forever. I really don't wanna be alone after college. My friends are the highlight of my week & I have a hard time making friends at work because I can't let my guard down. I get depressed if I go more than a couple wks w/ no social interaction& work doesn't count because the anxiety about getting fired is so exhausting the only thing that gets me through is thinking about hanging out w/ friends lol. I know my friends & fam will always be a text away but it sucks that they'll have their own lives after college & I won't