Absolutely afraid 😳 of men!
So I'm almost 40 years old already and men creep me out.
I have generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD and supposedly bipolar which I highly doubt.
I've been taken advantage of multiple times in my life. Men act like they can't be alone with me without touching me. I stand up for myself and say no or that I'm not interested but still the harassment continues. Could this be why I am afraid?
Any suggestions? I want to fall in with someone that isn't dysfunctional. But it seems like no one respects me... And I don't project that I want to be disrespected you know?
Because if trama from my past, extremely verbally abusive marriage, dysfunctional boyfriends and being physically taken advantage of I guess my mind freezes up when I'm in the company of a man that I like. I find a way to avoid him I guess, or all together disappear. That seems to be the theme of my life.
Hello Tall,
Men (as a group, in the patriarchal sense) are terrifying. Men (as individuals, in a human sense) have more of a variety. I can totally understand why it can be difficult to trust, when there are so many valid reasons why one may be wary of a man.
My suggestion to you is to be as upfront and clear with your boundaries as you are able. This serves two purposes.
The first is that it will make it very obvious, very quickly if the man in question doesn’t respect your boundaries. You can keep yourself safe and the save time and energy you would’ve given had you not been aware of this facet of their person.
The second purpose is ideological. The patriarchy being an ideology that’s subliminally adopted by many men and women in society leads to people adopting behaviors that they assume are okay (because they are under the patriarchy) but are not okay for you and your boundaries. They may not be aware that what they are doing is making you (or anyone else, tbh) uncomfortable. Clearly stating your boundaries gives them the chance to respect them, rather than assuming they are aware of them in the first place.
I don’t mean to be all social justice warrior here, mind you. I like men. I like women. They’re both fantastic and they both can do good and bad things. I just think that the patriarchy as a concept is a helpful way of framing the unease that women feel around men. Because it’s often not that women believe individual men are trash, it’s often a frustration and a fear born from a repeated pattern of disrespect… or worse.
And side note, I absolutely do not think you were in any way “asking to be disrespected”. Makes me angry on your behalf that you felt the need to clarify that :P
Anyway, hope some of this was helpful to you!
All the best,
Quirk
