Advice
So I met this guy last year around Christmas season and you know things were great in the beginning and we really hit it off or so I thought, but then when things started to get serious between us we started having issues and when I say “we” I mean me. For some reason I started second guessing everything about our relationship, I started questioning everything and overthinking his reaction to everything I said and did and just overthinking everything in general I found myself walking on eggshells around him, which I’ve never done in a relationship before, a part of me feels like it’s all tied to my past relationship before I met him. I really want to make things work with him and our relationship because I know deep down that he’s good for me.
Any advice or tips would really help. Thank you.
@selfdisciplinedAvocado4048
It sounds like you really care about this guy, and that’s a beautiful thing. But I also hear how much you’re struggling with the weight of your own thoughts and fears. And that’s okay. Sometimes, when we’ve been hurt before, our brains try to protect us even when we don’t need protecting. The overthinking, the second-guessing, the walking on eggshells it’s not because you don’t love him or because he’s doing something wrong. It’s because your heart is still carrying the echoes of your past.
First, be gentle with yourself. You’re not broken, and this isn’t something you’re “failing” at. Healing doesn’t move in a straight line, and just because you’ve never felt this way in a relationship before doesn’t mean you won’t find your balance again.
Second, ask yourself: Do I feel safe with him not just physically, but emotionally? Can I be fully myself around him without fear of judgment or rejection? If the answer is yes, then this might just be your past wounds flaring up, trying to convince you that something good isn’t safe. If the answer is no, then maybe your intuition is picking up on something deeper.
Either way, communication is everything. Have an open and honest conversation with him let him know what you’re feeling, not in a way that blames him but in a way that lets him understand you better. A good partner won’t make you feel ashamed of your struggles; they’ll want to walk through them with you.
Most importantly, don’t lose yourself in trying to make the relationship work. You deserve to feel peace, not anxiety. Love shouldn’t feel like constantly bracing for impact. And if this is the right person for you, they’ll meet you where you are with patience, understanding, and reassurance. You got this.
@selfdisciplinedAvocado4048
In such a situation I would be afraid that your "walking on eggshells" might be not showing the real you to this person. The beloved one, I believe, is a person around whom you could feel safe, relaxed, just being yourself.
Trying anything different than that may give you both some misleading imagination about each other and your roles in the relationship. For example, if now you accept everything he says without questioning, and in a month it turns out you are stubborn and independent, you expect him to be a great dancer, or you don't like rock music, you might be both puzzled 😊
Showing the real you to another person (but gradually, not everything at once!) you lose nothing. Because even if that person didn't accept you, you are still faithful to yourself - your emotions, values, your "internal truth".
The best relationships, I believe, are those between _true_ people 😊