After 2 years, I got back together with my ex who I never wanted to leave in the first place. Can't get over those two years.
It was all my fault. Both of us had our lives preoccupied with work among other things during the Covid lockdowns. I was feeling inadequate and like she was becoming dispassionate so stopped talking to her. I wasn't under the impression she would really care at the time, but I was wrong and I should have never treated her like that. What I did was awful.
About a month afterwards, I became able to see things clearly and tried reaching out to her to apologize and explain things. But she wouldn't listen, it took a few months to get a response from her. Saying that she's still thinking about things, isn't sure what to say.
I would frequently send her messages telling her how much I regretted the situation we were in. How horrible I felt. I would never contact her with the intention of getting back together, I just wanted to hear her perspective on things and get proper closure on our relationship.
Sometimes I'd calmly explain my perspective, other times it was clear that I was sad/angry (but not aggressive or intimidating). I'd never get a response and sometimes it would take months before she even read the message without replying. It left me to my own imagination and to assume she despised me or was apathetic.
About a month ago, I took some time to write a letter by hand to calmly explain to her that I still care about her and I wish I could hear something from her. She responded a few weeks later, saying that the letter was heartwarming and asked if I still had feelings for her.
As it turned out we both still have feelings for each other, and we've been slowly reconciling over the past week trying to understand each other better. I only recently found out there was a person she dated while we were separated and while it only mildly bothered me at first, I'm being eaten away at the fact that she chose to date someone else while I was trying to get a word out of her. I don't know the timeline for it, but I assume it was after I explained my feelings about the situation which makes it worse.
From the sounds of it, it wasn't a serious relationship and she didn't feel very satisfied in it. But this morning I finally broke down while thinking about all of it. How she didn't seem to care what I was going through, how she chose to be with someone else even though I was trying to talk to her.
It's hard to look at her the same anymore. I still love her, I know she didn't do anything wrong. But it's difficult to look her in the eyes, knowing there was a time when she thought nothing of me, even in comparison to a guy she says she couldn't love.
@ThineWhiteZiggyStardust
Relationships are complicated and each person's decision is influenced by their own circumstances and feelings. Just because your partner chose to date someone else, it doesn't necessarily mean she didn't care about you or your feelings, despite how difficult this may be to accept. Even if a relationship isn't serious or gratifying, people occasionally look for company or a diversion during trying times.
I can image how difficult it was for you to find out she was seeing someone else while you were trying to get in touch with her. Give her a chance to explain her perspective after expressing your worries and insecurities. She could not have completely understood how her decisions would affect you or she might have believed that at the time it was the best way for her to cope. It will take time and work from both of you to regain the trust and understanding you once had.
