Am I a bad person?
I feel awful. I have horrible trust issues due to my upbringing & because of previous toxic relationships. My fiancé knows about what I went through in my past so he knows I struggle with trust issues. My fiancé was spending time with his friends going to the movies and the first thought in my head was that he was going to spend time with another woman to see if he liked her more than me. So I told him I would go to the movies because I wanted to see if he would back out. He told me there was too many people and that I probably wouldn’t be able to sit with him and he didn’t want me to sit by myself while he was with friends which is true, I did check and there was a lot of people but I also didn’t know where he was sitting. So I kept pressuring to see what he would say. I kept saying “no it’s okay, I’ll just get someone to go with me” & he said “okay” & gave me the theater & the time. Then he asked why I chose the same theater because he felt like I was spying on him. I felt bad & told him I would go another day to watch it because I didn’t want him to feel like that. (I didn’t tell him why I wanted to go see that movie & I don’t plan on telling him because it wouldn’t help the relationship. I need to work on this on my own). I’m not going to go because I don’t want him to feel like that. I want to be able to trust him & let him have a life. I’m just going to pray & go to therapy. I feel so bad. I just need reassurance that I’m not a bad person or a bad fiancé.
A relationship without jealousy isn't a relationship, and dont tell me about you trusting him or him trusting you no...being jealous means you'll have suspicious and that's totally normal....it's more than normal actually, it's a unique way to show that you really love him
You're not a bad person or fiancé, you're just a person who is struggling right now due to trauma from your childhood and past toxic relationships which can be quite anxiety-inducing. It's totally normal to develop trust issues in that situation. It sounds like you're afraid of your trust issues sabotaging your relationship or scaring your fiancé away if he knew how much you struggle in certain moments, even though he knows about your past.
What do you think would happen if you were more open about how much you struggle with trust with your fiancé? I think if he loves you, he would understand that it isn't personal, and that you're simply being triggered by trauma from your past.
It's great that you're wanting to go to therapy to work on healing your past traumas. That will certainly help you in all areas of your life -- including your relationships.
@honestPark1233
Your intentions weren't to harm your fiancé so I'd say your not necessarily a bad person or a bad fiancé. Your like everyone else on this earth, sometimes we do things that we later think make us a horrible person. I think we've all done things with similar motivations-because we don't want to com off in a certain way. There's nothing inherently wrong about that.
I will say however, that you should probably be more open with him in the future. Not telling people your true thoughts and keeping feelings a secret honestly damages relationships more so then it helps them. If he's really the one for you then telling him why you ended up not going to the theater won't harm the relationship and he'll understand.
