Am I too sensitive?
Currently 3 years into my mostly happy relationship! My partner sometimes is fine to talk but other times he acts as if he doesn't want to know me, I've said before if he needs space just to let me know so I can give him the space he needs, but instead he just gets mad at me and anything I say gets treated as if I'm attacking him, this ends up with him saying some hurtful things I end up apologising for annoying him and making him mad, when I explain how he's making me feel and that it's important for me that he recognises my feelings and my needs he will get more defensive and deflect saying he can't be bothered with some long reply, after I try to explain all I need is for him to recognise how his actions and words have effect he just says he's a different person that shows things differently to me, I understand this but I still can't see how it's so easy to say hurtful things but then such a big issue to say I misread the situation and I'm sorry for how I responded. Its as if he can completely discard hurting me as if its an OK. He then asks why I'm distant he wants me to just forget about it and move on every time but it's at a point now where I can't do that anymore. I am happy to give my partner what he needs as long as I understand what those needs are, I'm being completely open about my needs and I don't get the same in return I don't feel like what I'm asking for is much but maybe I'm too sensitive!
An example;
I had just woke up, just opened my eyes and I see him getting ready for work look at me look away, so I just ask why the side eyes no aggression just woken up confusion, he then starts getting mad hurtful, huffing and puffind storms out the room I still to this day do not know how that could have been taken as an attack but I apologised for making him feel bad he complained it wasn't a real apology so again I said sorry( still confused here I got no response when asking what I'd said wrong). I try to get him to see it from my side and how I don't feel I deserved him being hurtful to the point I cry based on him thinking I was attacking him with a genuine question. Anyway this ends the same way as I explained before this example sorry for the long read..
I'll answer your question right away by saying that being sensitive is not a defect; that is great. I realize that the situation must be seen from different points of view, but even if I don't know you, I can tell you that you do not deserve hurtful words at all, for the simple fact that no one deserves this treatment. On the other hand, I imagine you often feel insecure and ask for a lot of reassurance, which can be good but up to a point. He might want you to feel more confident about yourself and your relationship, not realizing that by behaving this way he just pulls you away and feeds your insecurities. In summary, I think you both have a lot to work on. The first step you can take is to stop blaming yourself and constantly apologizing, without him realizing his mistakes. I hope I have not misinterpreted your message and I wish you the best of luck, remember that you are not alone. :)
Thank you, I do get scared that I'm going to be hurt, when one thing is said and someone's actions say the opposite I will ask for clarity but maybe I need to just look past it and move on instead of asking. I was insecure at the start of the relationship it's hard sometimes I do feel like my partner doesn't understand that I do have more control and trust now compared to 3 years ago! It's like he doesn't trust that I trust him, honestly I could be talking about how something in work annoyed me and somehow he'll find a way to say I'm putting him down once he has that in his mind there's no chance getting through his wall its almost like he cant see realty because he cant justify how hes spoken to me if he does!!